[. my life. ]

2010-01-03T12:09:00.001+08:00

http://allgoneawry.wordpress.com/

2009-12-28T09:41:00.003+08:00

I'm unsatisfied with my current way of living. Well it is inconvenient for me to list the details but most people would know what I am referring to.

I have yet to find that glisten in life right now to motivate me and keep me going, to point out that yes I'm in the right direction. It has yet to appear, and dictatorships and mundane routines overwhelm me right now. It feels like being entrapped in an intangible fray of mist and having to find my way out by bumping around and searching aimlessly. It doesn't feel good. Perhaps the physical wounds are a manifestation of my mind, bruised and lacerated. These 5 days acted as a temporal catharsis for me, and I'm so annoyed that it's ending soon. No worries, another 3 more days to such an escapism again.

You might say that I'm weak, yes I am but I really need that beacon in my life. I don't like sitting around for a few hours anticipating for the worst to occur. What made me even more disillusioned is seeing the extent some people are willing to go to just to save their own asses even at the expense of their own moral conscience. It's disturbing.

School is heaven.

愛無愧

耀眼金色的包装
你今天好比如一束花
明天这一刻璀璨吗
拆开金色的包装
我今天应该能看到吧
谁故意去诱惑
沉迷难逃吗
或者心里就似是有鬼
越想触碰越要学放低
有一种忌讳是一世
什么亦能摧毁　Hmm Hmm
或者可以自我控制
别理会世间引诱艳丽
谁可以
就算得到身边一切
然而仍能无愧
就怪当天不小心
那一丝的差错已送魂
连带了今天的处分
结果一早应该知道
竟胆敢一试太过分
忘记有过快乐
如毫无良心
为了需要甚至献计
在这乱世间引诱艳丽
如果你妄想得到身边一切
对错任你控制

2009-12-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

I feel the need to blog now! No actually I was just kidding, it's just something I told myself I would do the day before I enlist hahaha. That's lame, but hey I will think of something to write. Here goes. Erm.

Since everyone's saying that this is my 'last week' no matter how much I try to explain that mine really isn't THAT bad, I shall accept that ominous term. I kinda enjoyed my last week by meeting with all the important people in my life that makes me happy - A14, Grace (I told you guys we should totally get a name, it's so hard to blog!) & half of Violence (those unfeeling ones! I shall blacklist them totally. Yes you Estelle, Ah Pa, Eunice and Momo.)

Actually I admit I've been pretty jumpy here and there this week, and I thought it would get worst especially today but somehow, it didn't and surprisingly here in front of the computer I am calm, I think. Maybe I had this epiphany while I was asleep, because the anxiety disappeared when I woke up this morning, or was it replaced by the migraine? Whatever it is, I think I can go in with a positive mindset, at least for tomorrow haha.

The truth is I've been thinking about the what if I enlisted sometime later. What would I be doing. I know for sure I would hang out on some days, but what about the others. I wouldn't be disciplined enough to find a job or to pack my stuff or to attend enrichment lessons or to learn a new skill or two and definitely I won't be picking up my lazy bones to train. Somehow, perhaps a 5-day-training-and-1.5 day-rest hectic schedule would make me appreciate life better, and probably more healthy and enriching. At least they promote the practice of sleeping and waking up early.

A thought just flashed across my mind, or rather a voice whispered into my ear. Remember I will not be sleeping on that alien bedsheet for the next 10 days and I would not be waking up at my own pace and reach out for the blue button to start up the PC. The calmness within me shriveled a little, and I felt a cringe. Perhaps this would be a test for me. Haven't I always wanted to be independent. This could jolly well determine if I'm ready to live on my own, or have I been taking things for granted like readily-available breakfast for instance.

As I've said before. It would be a tough one, especially the 1st few days. I kept telling myself I would bear it all, and it would be over soon. But who knows. I want to live up to that strong-willed and determined person I've always advocated myself to be.

Ah well, it's really 1030pm already - the official sleeping time stated on the handbook. So adios. See you all next friday. I'm off to the rehabilitation center to get rid of the technological withdrawal symptoms.

Lastly thank you, my bubble was completely burst. I'm almost out of my delusions.

2009-11-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

So, the big As are over and I haven't got a good feeling about it. I did try my best as in it's really the best I could achieve with my current level of knowledge, but somehow there's this tinge of regret. Regret that I haven't put in my utmost to study as hard as I could, but I know I can never be as diligent and as focused as I used to be. Studies have not been my priority ever since I began to look into more pressing issues which I feel would shape me in the future.

It's back to finding and veneering myself, but I haven't got a lot of time. I'm going in like 2 weeks later, but I know it would be another experience which would affect how I turn out in the future like all other times. I can't guarantee I would be happy and as much as I tell myself it would be good for me, sometimes I can't help but feel a little down. I really fear the unknown.

Just like 2 days ago when we caught 2012, I only truly felt scared when I saw the people falling into the abyss of darkness and when the wave almost crash into the frantic refugees. Scenes like this stir up the fear within me because they don't show what happened even though we all know there would only be deaths. Somehow I draw the parallel to my life - what happens next or is there no other choice?

Losing the ability to draw up and plan your own life, at least not for the next 2 years, is a really creepy situation. My mind is a blank. Sigh.

I spent the past few days thinking and watching documentaries I would call them. Records of real events and real experiences people have to go through to find themselves. There will always be this trough in their lives, which I believe is my current phase. Because these are movies with some alterations obviously, all endings almost hit off on a high chirpy note. I question myself actually, will such fairytale endings ever happen to me. In retrospect, perhaps not.

Speaking of which, I have no idea why I feel a sudden rush of chill when the weather is so humid and warm. Could it be that the flu bug have caught me too, please tell me no. Can't afford to fall sick now.

Back to reflections. I've learned I guess, to be more accommodating to others and to myself. I dare say I have matured progressively as I grew older but somehow, I've also become more inclined to depend on others. It's not a good thing really. At times I wished I still had that strong will to remain fully independent. My decisions waver now and then, and my resolutions begin to bite me in the back. What happened actually? Is this what they call the paradox of life.

Wish me luck as I embark on another treacherous path, to define my own beliefs and values. It's only truly then can I be worthy of loving and caring for someone. I know I've never been a good friend or a good son, and most importantly I've failed to be myself.

2009-10-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

i can't say consternation hasn't struck me yet because it had.

the big scary As are coming but i'm not the least worried and motivated. just stab me already. i need to focus and get back on track. by the time i am fully awake, maybe the two weeks would have come and pass within the blink of an eye.

i have no idea what to expect when i enlist. i fear the unknown. being out of control breeds trepidation in my heart, like a haunting conscience.

the jitters are tangible while aversion and uneasiness gripe my insides. i can hear them lurching, literally. the stomach flu has just worsened recently. i need to see a doctor.

i guess my unsettling heart stems more from other source(s) though. it's that inner desire and yearning i had always wished for but never granted the chance to embrace it. i used to comfort myself that it will come along naturally but, i'm really confused. i tried finding my way but ended up colliding with every possible obstacle.

the truth is, everyone gets enervated one day and that's when they crumble.

i wish it would happen now.

i can't take my eyes off you.

2009-10-13T21:38:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna be a policeman on 8th december.

how fast is it.

2009-09-29T22:07:00.003+08:00

it's really the last lap, as much as i want to live in self-denial but, it's true. aww. what we have been culminating for the past 2 years is finally coming to haunt us.

i am. scared. the fear stems mostly from my laid-back attitude, how i can't ever get fully energized and put in my best effort. no regrets, easier said than done.

the interim has been great, a real break which never seemed enough. everyday has been spent fruitfully, isolated from the dreaded books and notes and all. perfect.

thurs - thaipan after nearly a year + cheap apparel hunting. simple but enjoyable.
friday - F&C glasshouse + orchard ion + fame at cine = a hole in my pocket but it's the company that matters.
sat - NUA!
sun - family + hello london.
mon - frantic goofing for red hot bikini + gu niang accessories.
tues - marina again cause give ruth some face.

ah. back to mugging starting tml. oh wait, did i forget to mention it's a continual series of results return-fire. everybody duck!

2009-09-24T22:51:00.002+08:00

oh. breathing space finally but still an interim only. i stress on the interim.

days gone, days past. papers come and go. all i rmb was, econs, maths and lit were pretty screwed. did i just mention everything?

oh my, and i'm pretty intoxicated.

2009-09-16T21:34:00.000+08:00

finally. an interim.

ugh, sho hot.

like the blower's daughter say: i can't take my eyes off you.

flee.

2009-09-14T22:15:00.003+08:00

i'm shaken, but perhaps more of appalled rather at myself. i can't say it didn't cross my mind to help her. i did, but that hesitation showed a lot about myself. when she fell, everyone just stopped and stared, but no one went forward to attend to her. was it truly because they felt that they would not be able to render any help, or simply because they don't know her. i believe however, it was because the prelims mattered so much that it seemed perhaps in the rat race, basic humanity have been forgotten and i'm sorry to say i'm too part of this disorder. yes, i call it a deficiency.

it made me feverish. perhaps the revelation that i was so selfish, so unfeeling took me by surprise. perhaps i had always thought that though i find it difficult to express my emotions comfortably, i had always prided myself not to be one devoid of empathy. i was proven wrong. i don't want to grow up to be like this.

i worry, about how i would be in the future. i'm superficial. i can't deny that as much as i want to. i go for the appearance. i'm judgemental. i'm all the negativity that Pip embodies in his Great Expectations. i have no right to speak of defending human values when i can't even define my own beliefs. it makes me weak and i do not like that.

it's nearly 10hours more to econs p2 and i haven't done anything, contrary to what the others believe that i mug alot. sometimes i wonder does debasing others make one feel better? i would love to be an underdog too, and i know i'm guilty of this derangement but i still can't help but feel annoyed. i'm sorry mr lee though i doubt you would ever read this, but i might really get a U this time. i have been a bad student in class and now i refuse to study for prelims.

i'm scared, really, about not being able to find my identity in time.

2009-09-02T22:22:00.001+08:00

it's taking some time for me to get over it, like always. somehow i regretted what i did.

i need to be stronger and firmer in my stand, i think.

could I really be the epitome of my romanticized ideals? no no, stop thinking about it. it makes me even more sardonic.

now, i can't concentrate on studying and the irony is everyone thinks that i am mugging intensively this whole time. oh well, the prelims results will tell everything.

i think i'm really bothered by the ugliness of modern society. MS story shocked me with its excessive violence and brutality which is actually present in our so-called civilized world, juxtaposed by the fact that literacy rates are rising each year and this is what we get from being educated? what bull. i thought we have progressed way beyond using only our fists.

i know i screwed up paper 1 today. i have no idea why i wrote about the Babylonians and sundials when my question was on museums. the marker must be sneering sheepishly at my incompetent essay right now. i need to recover that lost vigour. come back, will you.

ah. if only a car would knock me down this moment. i need stasis.

fuck the browser for loading the web pages like some distorted painting with all the buttons jumbled up everywhere.

Flowing...

2009-08-29T22:07:00.003+08:00

i forgot how long it was since i allowed the walls around me to crumble and reveal the vulnerable side about myself.

maybe i had been holding back so much that i've reached my limit. the retaining structure could no longer suppress and deflect the roaring rampage of emotions so dying to inundate my mind.

well, at least it was a form of catharsis and if i try really hard to look at it in the positive light, perhaps it served to remind me of the lost innocence i used to have. after all, it is supposed to represent purity isn't it?

ugh. migraine.

'only the educated are free.' says who? lies.

Broken

2009-08-25T23:01:00.004+08:00

smiles which are so easily eroded.

joys which are always so ephemeral.

exuberance which has been long forgotten.

the flame within is flickering and smoldering incessantly, helpless against forces beyond it.

'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.'

i did it. it took a simple click for me to cut off all connections.

goodbye to the one who once epitomized my romanticized ideals.

Expelliarmus

2009-07-25T21:20:00.002+08:00

there's this uneasy feeling raging inside of me for idk what reason. it feels almost overwhelming and consuming, insecurities probably.

perhaps i have reached how far i could steer away, it's really time to get back onto the right track. one decision and i could jolly well be many miles ahead of the others. i do know it, but so? it doesn't change much if i cannot discipline myself.

my shoulders are hurting and weighing me down so much it makes me wanna give up, both physically and metaphorically. someone please share the burden, it's oppressing and so intoxicating to even breathe properly.

how weak i am, lacking even the most basic courage to confront the voice within. i really hate myself this way. so languid, so feeble, so vulnerable and not to mention fragile.

lets drop it shall we.

murderer left quite a deep impression on me, or rather it scared the hell out of me. the last time i remembered i had goosebumps after watching a movie and gotten all so jumpy was after viewing [The Skeleton Key]. i conclude that psychopathic kids are a zillion times more pernicious and repulsive than their adult counterparts.

oh and i re-read the deathly hallows. there were a lot of epiphanies and numerous moments where i go 'oh yea how could i have forgotten'. pretty amusing actually. this is just random i know.

//Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(be strong)
You'll break it
(hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you cant do
No one can stop you, you know that I'm talking to you//

sometimes i wonder how hard it is to just be myself.

July

2009-07-17T23:39:00.009+08:00

5 pictures to more or less sum up the week's events.

Wednesday [Auntie Tunny's 18th]

Thursday [Guitar Hero + Mahjong]

Friday [Half Blood Prince]

It's these little distractions that careened me away from studying but I'm really glad because this transition phase is a difficult climb to overcome.

2009-07-16T23:45:00.001+08:00

jaded and neuroticism.

I can't help but feel this way.

pull me away.

2009-07-08T18:49:00.003+08:00

rejoice for econs is finally down today, at least for the common test.

exams haven't been going well but somehow I dont really care. should i be fretting over my results now that the big fat scary As is coming?

Oh and class pictures are finally here. I think it's so much better than chung cheng's. :S

2009-07-03T00:05:00.002+08:00

actually i hate the postponement now because the thought of everyone else finishing their exams no matter how screwed up it was beats bearing the extended agony of studying, made worse if you aren't even settling down to do it, well at least not on a regular basis.

decided to give myself a break today and I thoroughly enjoyed that not because I did more work nor the not-so-extra sleep but the whole delusion that it's still the holidays and I can continue with my parasitic lifestyle. how I wish this would last but the truth is, CT2 is really just 5 days away and the whole H1N1 hoo-ha isn't helping to make school less boring. I'm pretty damn sure half the population will get infected anyway no matter how hard we try to prevent the pandemic from spreading, because in truth it's not really slowing. the severity is mild here but the influence is widening.

oh speaking of which, my little fantasy is replaying in my mind again which creates yet another disillusion and as usual, I'm praying for it to come true. i seriously wonder how many times do I have to fall so that I would learn. shrugs.

2009-06-21T22:43:00.002+08:00

Come on. Extend the damn holidays.

Well, I have been kinda picking up in studies. Finally settling down now and then and doing some work but definitely not enough to survive the common test onslaught, too little effort put in compared to everybody else but I just can't seem to recover that lost vigour.

I met up with the clique on tuesday for an intense mugging session at the airport but I guess I could not contain the raw excitement of not seeing them for so long (with the exception of van) that we ended up chatting, no gossiping right from the start. Okay, maybe there were some moments of serious attention devoted to the notes but Jade just had to spoil it all by initiating LC. Aha. Then it was mostly laughing and mentioning of silly details of the secondary school life. It wasn't productive, but it was a well worth it day. I wonder when will be the next session. AND CHERYL LIM WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!!!!!

[See the contrast between me and veggie? He was literally in the light and I in the dark.]

[One of the not-so-successful attempts at self-camwhoring a group picture.]

[Seriously, I know I looked dumb standing at such a weird position.]

[Finally a successful group picture. I remembered the passerbys were not exactly keen to help us take a shot.]

[It's amusing how I emphasized that I must always take a full length picture with my 'wife'.]

Speaking of which. Our clique has no name! It's so difficult to blog about it collectively because of the lack of a name. One of you pls come up with something.

Jojo's birthday celebration on wednesday was not well-received because of many reasons but hey girl, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I hope you enjoyed our company. No pictures atm because the lucky girl is in Bangkok having a great time. Bracelet sisters?! Haha.

I think I'm gonna make the meringue tommorw. I've got the margarine already.

2009-06-15T21:25:00.002+08:00

panicky panicky. perhaps that is what i am feeling now but not compelled enough to push and discipline myself.

lit consultation today was useful to some extent but at the end, it was kinda a waste of time because we were unprepared. returned to sch after lunch and wanted to do geog but realised that there was really too much stuff not touched on by the notes and gave up in exasperation. differentiation didn't prove to be better especially the questions on maxima and minima, just kill me. a walk suggested by jo turned into a badminton game which lasted for nearly an hour. my wrist is feeling the contraction but it was an alternate form of exercise which is lacking in my schedule right now even though i sucked at it. working out (i did sweat after all) snapped me out of my lala mode but evil's proposal to L's house meant that studying was minimal. as much as evil said she would study, we ended up watching The Rocker and savoring Canadian pizza and coke. meeting clique tml to study, will it be useful? :S

this was what i saw at L's house and as much as i admire the awesome graphics, i absolutely refuse to admit that DOA girls would lose out in a largely hand-to-hand combat battle. like no way in hell would kasumi, ayane and hitomi(i think) lose to the magic/ranged girls. maybe Tifa would stand a chance but kasumi can kick her butt 100000000000000000000000 times! well people, see it for yourself.

2009-06-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

this is why everyone should hail goalkeepers. :D

2009-06-11T12:17:00.001+08:00

someone whip me into studying pls. it's almost the end of 2 weeks. omg.

2009-06-07T14:16:00.002+08:00

wl one week has gone past already and still unaccomplished.

monday.
unproductive pre-malfi lesson discussion = random sauntering around pp. at least malfi make-up was beneficial. :S head over to suntec and discovered the existence of a ulu vietnamese restaurant and gasped in shock at the sheer size of the bowl of the beef noodles.

tuesday.
medical check-up at CMPB. ugh.

wednesday.
tried to mug vectors but ended up playing Bleach: Heat the Soul 6 on the PSP. oh well.

thursday.
Juno + Malfi make-up = draining. had sakae for lunch and walk around pp again.

friday.
stayed home to rest.

saturday.
L's house for guitar hero and watch him hack restaurant city. dinner at shoukudo and watch them arcade.

sunday.
failed attempt to study at the nlb because i woke up only at 12pm. ah well.

come on.

2009-06-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

stop slacking!

2009-05-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

Finally the holidays...NOT! I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm gonna hate this june holiday. It's not that I don't appreciate the late sleep-in and all but I'm worried that I will end up doing nothing again which I absolutely cannot afford to this time. I'm lagging behind way too much. I've been too caught up in the transition phase that I'm oblivious and blinded to the fundamentals. I wish to make up for the losses, but it will be difficult. To complicate matters even more, I'm losing faith in everything. Sorry, but no elaboration.

Well, the school finally granted us our full-day but cleverly dished it out on the most unexpected day. TUESDAY. It was a smart move to shut us up for the rest of the week.

Sara the obsessed baker was caught off-caught by the full-day and so as to avoid wastage, we stayed behind to eat her cake. Haha.

I brought 9 noisy daughters out on a movie trip.

Iluma was really empty at that time so it was a perfect opportunity to camwhore. More on fb.

I swear I tried to study after school on Wednesday but the sheer intensity of the heat effectively deterred me from fulfiling my heart's desire (yea!). Besides, it was good to catch up on some lost sleep.

Thursday was like the ultimate Math day where we had nearly 5-6 periods of statistics. Wl.

And this was yesterday. IKEA TAMPINES! Swedish Meatballs were the bomb.

Since Jo brought her camera and we had nth to do on the bus...

This silly girl tried to braid my hair.

I've learnt that great expectations bring about great disappointments. I know that it could bring about a whole deal of goodiness as well but pardon me. I've fallen way too many times. It hurts.

2009-05-25T21:28:00.002+08:00

Today was well, a pretty meaningful day. Two major happenings during the soccer finals in the late afternoon.

I managed to catch some nostalgic faces before the match started and I must say that though the meeting was short, it seriously did mean a lot to me. Undeniably, it has been getting increasingly difficult to see these old friends as time passes by because we are now in separate schools but I'm not about to let these friendships dwindle away and die. Initially, I did have some doubts about meeting the both of them after such a long time for I was worried that at some point of time we would run dry of topics to clack and stare blankly at one another but I was proven wrong. We somehow managed to spin out some really spastic but spoof-y conversations out of really simplistic items like the adidas clapper. Maybe, this is why most people concluded that secondary school friendships last the longest.

Presenting to you....The 3 Stragglers from 4Grace! Okay there's still jack who sadly went missing.

Hi ms vice-chairperson. I mean EX vice-chairperson.
Hello WIFE!I shall forgive you for being promiscuous.

Then, some weirdo came and chased us away because we were supposedly infringing on some 'VIP' seats. Well, that concluded our mini meet-up but it's okay because VJ won in the end hahaha, which brings me to my next train of thoughts.

It flagrantly dawned onto me how important and meaningful this game was to the VJ team. They had lost the title for two consecutive years in which the honour had came so close to them, but only to pull away at the last minute. I must say, it must have been really heart-wrenching especially for the senior players. This was a game not only for themselves or the school but also for those grand-seniors who have always wanted to clinch the championship title but never had the chance to. Their countenance before the match revealed much anticipation, yet largely mixed with anxiety and fear perhaps. They were that stressed coupled with the whole school who was down and had their attention on them. The pressure intensified. The match saw an exchange of stunning shots, dives, slides, shoves, return-fires and the boys fought hard despite the considerable number of yellow cards issued. The audience ourselves could only clenched our fists and pray that luck was bestowed upon them. The looks of anguish and pain could be starkly seen on their faces whenever a scoring opportunity was saved or robbed. The miracle did happened in the end, their efforts did paid off from the numerous attempts to edge out their opponents. Shouts of joy and jubilant inundated the entire stadium. It was no longer a team event, but a school effort. This is one of the instances which made me really proud to call myself a Victorian.

Felt better penning it down. They keep flashing in my mind highly disorganized.

2009-05-24T21:01:00.001+08:00

sometimes I really wonder if I can ever reclaim the motivation to mug in time after allowing the lazy vibes to take over me for so long. for instance, I accomplished one out of seven agendas set for the week. jeez. say goodbye to CT2.

I NEED A LIFE!

2009-05-17T15:24:00.002+08:00

Recently, I kept having this muscle ache whenever I tried to lift up my head. My neck would hurt as though riddled by numerous sharp excruciating bull-needles and the worst part is, it gets stuck there literally and would take a few seconds for me to recover momentarily. Then, it happens again. Talk about being young hmm.

Past two weeks has made me pretty jumpy over i-know-what issue but I think it's nothing, I hope. Attended two concerts in the past month or two. Musicfest was kinda a blast but somehow I expected more. I wanted more solo vocal power BUT the bands were cool, like totally awesome. Putting aside their skills since I'm not a pro and whatsoever but just the dedication put in and the joy they derived from playing the instruments are more than enough reasons to crown every one of them a champ. When will be the day I ever learn the drums. Oh well. Strings concert yesterday had some pretty dull moments I guess (no offense) but it got better and better. The melodious collaboration between the various performing arts groups created a whole new level of resonance (at least to me), producing a drastically different but still enticing effect. I guess that's music for you.

On a side note, I finally found back the thrill behind watching all the melodramatic hk dramas. Doing away with those throngs of so-called 'popular leads', Rosy Business definitely has much more to offer its audience.

Ciaos. School's tml. Noo.

2009-05-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

Back on track, i hope.

2009-05-11T17:56:00.001+08:00

As the day draws nearer, I actually feel a sense of yearning yet mixed largely with guilt. The smile will dissipate whenever I remember it. I just could not force a upward curve on my lips. I know it would have serious repercussions but believe me, I just wanted everything to end normally. Get it over and done with. I don't aim for anything. I just hope that everything will spill over and let this be a lesson for me.

Please.

2009-05-06T20:06:00.001+08:00

i really hate wednesday.

bad napfa results.

swollen toe.

family issues.

haunting conscience.

what's more.

2009-05-01T15:53:00.002+08:00

Labour Day. How apt indeed.

I never thought I would dedicate a post to council but here it goes.

Joining CT Council was never on my list when I first came to VJ during PAE. In fact, I never knew it existed till Ms Goh came in during Civics and asked for interested candidates. Nevertheless, I took the application form without knowing what I was getting into. Still, I went ahead and submitted the piece of paper which would turn out to be one of the components which shape my JC life.

As I have said many times, I've wanted to join Vb but I didn't because of the many many factors which led me to decide that perhaps I'm just not ready for it yet in terms of skills, confidence and most importantly commitment. I can't say council has been exactly demanding, and in fact it granted me great versatility, or maybe too much. Throughout my term, I kept asking myself if I had made the right decision. I don't hang out alot with councilors because I'm closer to my class though somehow I must apologise that perhaps I never gave council a chance to be fully integrated into my life. Frankly, I saw council as a responsiblity in which I must do what has been tasked on me. Nothing more, nothing less which explains my absence during council outings.

I can't say I've regretted joining council but it definitely wasn't what I had intended my path in JC to be carved out. At this point of time however, I can safely conclude that everything else wouldn't have become the way it was if I hadn't joined CT Council, be it the good and the bad. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and school wouldn't have been enjoyable as of now if I had indeed went ahead to join some other ccas. There are no definites in life.

I have to admit too that without council, I would never have the opportunities to serve the school in various different ways. I knew that I would not be able to cotribute to VJ's vast achievements in terms of academics or sports but being a councilor filled up that sense of guilt within me. Organizing, planning and executing events for the school was what kept me going. If I cannot do the school proud, at least I won't bring it down either. That was a promise I made, and one I intended to keep because being accepted into VJ was sheer luck. I didn't deserve it.

Of course in such a big community like any other council, there would be complications and issues. The power struggle and politics were characteristics of any leadership body which will never cease to exist. I'm glad and proud to conclude that I was never part of any of these controversies. Of course, council also made making friends more easily considering the number of people we have. I'm not close to every councilor but thankfully there are some whom I can click with. It's these people who made my council life more than just mere responsibility and commitment. Thank you.

Goodbye, golden nametag.

2009-04-23T17:51:00.001+08:00

repressions and negativity were what have been storing up inside of me. get them away please.

gah.

fatalism.

atrophy.

2009-04-10T21:58:00.002+08:00

Good Friday = Sleep in = More slacking = Personal pleasure = Smiles.

Just caught an impromptu movie at Leisure Park. Next time please don't ring me up at 4:55pm and tell me the movie's gonna start at 5:10pm :S. Yes you, evil.

It was pretty good considering I wasn't much in the movie mood but it did perked me up. I liked the romantic advances and progress between Rebecca and Luke, nifty and prim yet not too groping though the extravagance of Rebecca's lifestyle is really too exaggerated. Personally, I would give it a 3/5.

PW results out yesterday. I'm really grateful for my what I've gotten, but I still feel I don't deserve it. Perhaps I drank some Felix potion. Oh well still, it truly marks the end of PW. That's it. Bye hateful soul. Speaking of which, Kudos to my pw group! We didn't have any personal issues which I felt was commendable, in fact we were the only group which didn't have any so yea, accomplishment!

Hey guys(girls), GREAT JOB!

2009-04-03T22:40:00.002+08:00

Well well. It turns out that CT1 was not as bad as I expected it to be. In fact, it was very much better than what I had envisioned - failing everything. But I managed to pass all but Maths (Imma true Arts student!). So to feed those curious souls who think that I'm smart (hopefully there are people who thinks that), I shall prove you wrong.

General Paper - E (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
English Literature - C
Geography - E (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
Economics - C
Mathematics - S

Ah you see. The ones I actually mugged for and expected to score well sucked but those which I studied half-heartedly or not at all managed to pass, well passing above the dot. Boo. But then again, my ranking points are about the same as last year despite managing to clinch two Cs (breakthrough!). I'm still in the 40s range. I never hit the 50s or 60s range, wth.

It's finally weekends, which means Independent Films time! But then again, there's the MOE debate tml and hopefully food hunt on sunday. I WILL FIND TIME! And the funny thing is, Mrs Koh actually treats my addiction to the computer like a disease. She says the class has to help CURE me. Sheesh. Stop denying the PC of its rightful respect! Okay, that sounds like an overly obsessive user. I'm not!

Back to topic. I've been putting off studying, again. Yes I know I always fail to deliver my promises. You can't blame me however. Sports season calls for support! I want to see how sailing competition is being carried out though, but definitely not in this weather.

wookay. Enough for now. Catch ya all.

2009-03-29T22:08:00.002+08:00

Hello I'm back to watching independent films but I'm trying to restrain myself from doing that only during weekends. Yea, trying very hard though I'm running out of them to watch. No! Oh yea, so I caught TCB yesterday night before I sleep, heh my favorite time everyday.

It was heart wrenching, watching how Charlie had to sacrifice his own personal social life to take care of his problematic kid brother after their mother's sudden death. To me, I found it to be very common among dyfunctional families. Inevitably, the kids must fend for themselves. And then their life goes on a roller coaster ride when their father returns and Charlie finally found someone he loves. This calls for a tough choice - Romance or Family? Charlie chose family in the end, which I find it difficult to comprehend. Somehow perhaps because I was always the youngest and I do not have added responsibilities, I tend to be more wilful and selfish. Frankly, I would choose romance. Why not, I mean hey since the father is back and he wants to make amends, why not let him do it while I get to spend time with my lover.

I guess the addiction of watching independent films spurred my interest to further studies in the US since most films I watched are set in the States. Oh well, still that is an issue two years later. Right now, I shall cross my fingers for the remaining papers to be returned. Hopefully it will come true.

2009-03-26T21:29:00.002+08:00

oh hello, I'm blogging again. I reckon that updates would be quite frequent now that CTs are over, and council has nothing on going much, well at least not for the 17ths until much later. anyway, school's been tiring as usual for any opening week. i feel like i have not slept for an eternity even though i had a full 7hour sleep every night. I sleep punctually at 11pm :D

CT results was a flop as expected. I got a miserable 30m for H2 Maths and to think I was actually praying for 50m. wow, I do overestimate my capabilities. but speaking of that, I underestimated my potential for econs. it was luck I know yes, but credit me for some effort put in. perhaps it's really true that I might do much better if I don't expect too much from it, so that I can perform without stress and well, write something that's not nonsensical. but again, Mr Lee's really lenient (assuming that he marked our papers) so I got to thank him for that. I'm actually worried that everything will go down the slope next week. I feel cursed, in a sense nothing good lasts in my life. what if this surreal joy is short-lived. no, I want it to last. I pray for geog.

casting results aside. today was baking day! I did not bake, but merely leech off at joanne's house, watch valerie get bullied around and listen to evil's cranky language. I got to admit though, the cookies tasted rather good despite their disapproving appearance. to think evil might really have a flair for baking, no it's just sheer luck. MURPHY'S LUCK!

I shall find something entertaining to do tml after school. perhaps after this week is over, I should really start preparing for CT2s. it's not early. in fact, I felt that it's actually too late. who knows what they are going to test us. I have wasted too much time. first on the list, economics and well, maths :(

wookay people, my eyes are shutting. ciao.

2009-03-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

been coughing for nearly a month already and it's not getting any better. dang. sucky.

today's half day. woo. caught Mall Cop with 7 other A14 peeps and it was rather dumb. I almost fell asleep during the first 30mins of the show. it isn't worth the money people! alright maybe except for the bubblegum ringtone which everyone remembers.

had lunch at marina foodcourt and tried to search for a nice comfy and cheap backpack + duffel bag but nah. kinda trailed around every food shop from marina to suntec and had a cup of incredibly satisfying ice-cream from the idk what mall. oreo cheesecake + granny's favourite = smiles but that means hello cough again. trudged to raffles city and continued on our food hunt. it was a torture because we had no money but there were so many delicacies around. maybe I will grow fatter if I hang out with the pigs more since all they want is to eat.

good days never last. there's math tutorial tml and i'm hoping for a 50 but maybe it's too high. 45? plus the many many other papers we will be getting back this and next week. why can't they just return me everything at once to save me from being nagged at for two freaking weeks.

good luck for cross-country tml!

2009-03-21T23:48:00.002+08:00

Back to blogging.

Friday(13 March) - Tuesday(17March)

This is Geography Trip 2009.

To those who thinks that it's just Malaysia, I can tell you you missed out a lot.

Wednesday(18 March) - Friday(20 March)

CT Council Camp 2009.

-gasp- no pictures, well not yet.

I'm still wondering if I should rush down for council dinner after celebration with mum. Hmm.

2009-03-12T10:49:00.002+08:00

The end of CT1 signifies the start of a whole series of debriefs and preparations for CT2s. I dully understand that I might end up failing all my papers this time round but for some unknown reason, I am harboring hope that the worst scenario will not come true. Why? I haven't studied hard enough, I should be expecting myself to fall naturally. Perhaps I am still living in the delusion that miracles do come true even if I don't put in effort. Is it good to be optimistic?

Sigh.

And the other unbelievable event that is going on is that I am going to KL tomorrow for Geog Trip with the other 9 A14 geogers. It seems so surreal. My stuff is unpacked or actually, I am clueless as to what I should bring for the trip. So, I am going to miss the Saturday pre-camp briefing again. Ah. I feel so irresponsible but well, no choice what. Or is there? By the time I know it, perhaps the trip is already over but this means more peektures. :D time to revive our dying class blog with flippant smiles and spastic poses.

So see you people next tuesday! No, I mean friday. So it's a week later!

Bye.

2009-03-07T14:41:00.002+08:00

Panic attack!

I should really stab myself in the heart now. I keep procrastinating! I set my alarm to wake up at 830 so that I could make my way to MPL before 10am and get a good seat to study but guess what. I did not overslept, i intentionally switched off the alarm when it rang and continued sleeping till 10am. So by then, I came up with this ridiculous justification for myself that it is too late to go.

Then I used the computer from 11am till now. NOW! Frankly, I have no idea why I am so lazy and everyone around have turned on their mugger-mode while mine simply seemed to have malfunction already. Oh come on, MUGGER MODE PLEASE ACTIVATE! I don't want my prophecy of failing all subjects to come true.

Gahh.

Someone please knock sense into me. Okay so I MUST go to the NLB tomorrow to study. NO MORE TURNING OFF THE PHONE JANARD NO MORE! Sigh. I tried reading Income Inequality yesterday and it scared me. I totally did not understand a single bit. Perhaps I really do lack the flair to score for Econs. H1 H1! 3H2s might really turn out way better than 4H2s. Hmm.

2009-02-28T14:18:00.002+08:00

i seriously think that my CT is a goner. you must be thinking: ''huh why? go start now lah!'' i would want to, but right now i feel like a hot pot who sleeps 5 times a day. i take back my words if i ever said diarrhea is the worst. fever has replaced it to become the top of my list. seriously, i couldn't even sleep a wink yesterday. i m going to collect my blood test results later! i sound so happy. zz. guess the fever made me a little cranky that i am losing focus of what i am typing.

2009-02-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

2 more weeks to CTs. time's really passing pretty fast. sad to say, i haven't started on my revision and i am not sure when i will ever start.

there is just so much to store into my small pea brain. there is definitely space for geography and literature but well, that is just as much as i can keep. i am kissing goodbye to maths and econs, especially the latter. part of me is screaming out to fail econs during CT so that i can drop to H1. only need to write one essay for H1 compared to the three essays for H2, pretty worth it if you ask me.

sidetracking a little, i am really looking forward to the march geography trip. it would be like a A14 excursion, you people better don't pangseh! i can envision us cramming in one room and partying all night. sigh, thinking about post-CTs isn't going to do me any good.

many thanks to vanessa and huishan who came down to VJ to give me the balloons and cake! i am so sorry the 'Happy Birthday' balloon burst because some sharp branch stabbed it to death and i went around with 'Wish me Now'. i look freaking retarded and i counted that at least 50 people glared at the words while boring me a look of disdain and bemusement. still, it was very sweet of the both of you. JADE I AM GONNA DIVORCE YOU!

i finally understand the pain of those who live far far away from school like sengkang, yes i mean it. i took 43 today and ended up at punggol wtf after glueing to the seat for 1hr. it is such a derelict piece of wasteland but the mrt station was spacious and dazzling. -eyes wide open and sparkling with admiration- first time there, sorry i know i am very kuku. had dinner at ajisan with the dog and lyn and talked about some class issues. hmm, i am starting to think that i like small pep talks. no! stay emo. i wonder if i really look unfriendly. oh well.

back to the root problem. i am so fed up with myself for closing in on so many. IT IS NOT AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ON MY HANDS ALREADY. stop popping out you sycophants. oops. wrong word. i just felt like quoting it from Duchess Of Malfi. okay the correct phrase would be, stop eyeing already!

it is one more day to liberation. perhaps i should find some secluded pub to begin my first official sip of the alchohol. okay but that is so predictable. legal age = drinking? come on, have some sense of novelty.

wookay. this is a wordy post so i shall end here. bye.

2009-02-13T22:43:00.003+08:00

i need discipline. i need to practise discretion.

discipline. i haven't been doing my work, staying back in school to do work is not viable at all because there are always other issues bothering me. i am still way behind schedule, way behind lectures, way behind tutorials. simply putting it, i'm pretty screwed if CT is next week (thankfully it's not).

discretion. i know i'm always lying when i said it's over. stop lying. stop finding excuses.

on the bright side. happy valentine's / friendship day. well, i am single and available (not)!

i still haven't grasp my resolution. help anyone. cross country's coming soon ~ lets hope i don't end up position 5xx again like last year.

2009-02-07T16:51:00.003+08:00

somehow i can't help but feel that the same hollowness is returning, just like 2 years ago. i'm scared, really. i don't want the same situation to occur again, especially not when i thought i would never fall into the chasm once more. i guess, i was wrong. still, what else is new? nothing good ever seemed to last. with the new influx, it seemed like i am never getting any peace. gone are the peaceful days.

this whole week has been a fluke. i like and miss my parasitic way of living. i'm regretful if i ever said i wanted more perks in my boring life.

my heart stirs for vb again, in one way or another. noo.

2009-02-02T16:06:00.003+08:00

CNY came and went, as usual. had four reunion dinners this year though. 2 with family and relatives and 2 with A14 : D cool.

school's been...boring and tiring every single day even though i have no training and stuff and probably just rot in front of the computer but, i'm still fatigued. lazy vibes. then again, there's this 'hearting' issue going on but i've become somewhat immune to it. i just can't control my thinking. makes any sense? no? then too bad, but i don't understand myself either. relax, i'm still in the self-acceptance phase.

oh and i realised that going to school on time has so many benefits. for example, it's not as cold, and there are more empty seats on the bus. i should feel less guilty about not being early for school. J1s have arrived, which is a bad thing unless they don't fight with me for my mee stall. hello J1s, go queue at the western or malay or indian or whatever stall but NOT mee stall. ahh, why am i talking rubbish. i need my daily dosage of prawn noodles.

then today while helping out in orientation, i stumbled upon two issues, two nostalgic faces actually. When I saw SY, my first reaction was to turn away. why, idk. it was like a reflection of the past haunting me, and i felt really guilty even though i did not literally do anything but i believed i did cursed silently last time. then the next issue, i think I saw xiaohai, like the xiaohai from FL. u know i think i actually saw him in school a few times already b4 school officially started. that face plus from anglican and of course the height, uncanny similarities. i think he doesn't rmb me, afterall it has been 1, 2, close to 5 years? i'm starting to talk he's really xiaohai, oh well.

luckily or unluckily, there are no lectures this week. yay? one thing for sure, yay for zero-econs lecture.

2009-01-25T23:31:00.002+08:00

CNY's around the corner, in fact just 7mins more to go. festive mood? not really.

i've been thinking. to go or not? because if i chose to go, i would have to work really hard to make all my results as good as possible. of course it does not make any sense, since ALL of them should be as good as possible but the main issue here is that i can just depend on As if i chose not to. ugh. and i'm nt sure if i want to go back to doing physical sciences.

core curriculum, would it do me any good? i have no idea. perhaps the two foundation years would be beneficial, but once again. what am i going to major in during the last two years then? law and medicine is only available for post-graduate. besides if i really want to do law (which i still dk if it's truly what i want) i should go to the UK, and not the US.

ahh. planning for the future is so vexing and i've always thought i wanted to study locally. what changed?

...

2009-01-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

this week's been hectic, so glad that it's finally over.

monday: lockers + CNY
tue: CNY rehearsal
wed: council meeting + CNY
thurs: CNY rehearsal
friday: CNY celebration

see, my whole week's been occupied by CNY CNY and more CNY. it was such a terror initially working with chinese teachers + PRCs, but i guess it all turned out well? i must admit though, the performances today was not that impressive. perhaps, the order wasn't that well though out. as usual, skipped mass dance and out with A14. wee.

197 to bugis and had lunch at NYDC (expensive sia!) which i thought was pretty over-priced and not worth the money. i discovered the existence of a street called Haji Lane in Bugis but wasn't interested in any of the shops, so yea zero addition to new year clothes. i need new year clothes! oh, we trekked around and arrived at Suntec City. continued for the search of new year clothes but being me, i bought nth :D we were pretty much worn out by the constant walking so we headed for dinner at Tian Tian Steamboat. it was not exactly fantastic but acceptable. so in conclusion, today's outing was once again a food trail.

--------

look at this, my 16PF results:
Warmth - 6
Reasoning - 8
Emotional Stability - 1!!!!
Dominance - 3
Liveliness - 5
Rule Consciousness - 3
Social Boldness - 5
Sensitivity - 9!!!
Vigilance - 7
Abstractedness - 7
Privateness - 8
Apprehension - 7
Openness to Change - 5
Self-Reliance - 7
Perfectionism - 4
Tension - 6

summing it up, my emotional status resembles a roller coaster ride and i'm DARN sensitive. so simply putting, i may take offence very easily if you ain't careful since i'm so perceptive and may end up killing you considering my emotional stability is so low. watch out.

I'm not cut out for business and enterprising. my abstract reasoning and intellectual effiency are 8 and 7.3 respectively though. I can think well! aha.

Artistic = 7
Social = 6
Investigative = 4
Enterprising = 4
Conventional = 3
Realistic = 2

my related fields are: Writing, Performing Arts, Art, Music/Dramatics, Child Development, Fashion (!)

my lifestyle is similar to: Advertising Executive, Public Relations Director, Biologist (obviously not true)

tired. end-ed.

2009-01-15T21:19:00.002+08:00

Year 2 is really whizzing past very fast. look at the date, it's almost mid-january already and the first week of school is coming to an end. frankly, i have no idea why i'm coming to school now except for the obvious reason - to prepare for the As, but am i really preparing? have i actually set my mentality to do it?

i kept assuring myself that i'm on the right track, listening in tutorials and keeping myself awake. haven't had much lectures but i'm still holding on fine. am i doing all these to make myself feel better? to make myself feel i'm actually alive and doing something. i have no idea. perhaps, it's just a fallacy, an act, an excuse for myself.

it all started last winter. i've always thought that i've made up my mind to further my studies locally if possible. i seriously thought that, but recently this ideal seemed to be gradually uprooted. or maybe, that ideal was just the model that most people would mark out and i'm just going with the flow.

studying overseas might be a great idea after all. get away from all the restrictions here, to go somewhere where hardly anyone knows me. the irony is, i don't even think people i know here actually know me personally, at least no deep enough. i've always wondered, what is my strength and my purpose in life so far. would i make it in the future? or contribute to the parasitic population in every country.

now, i'm kinda intrigued by all the stories and experiences i've heard/seen from people and from online and even the television. recounts about their life out of singapore, be it for studies or travelling or for work. somehow, getting out of the small dot on the map seems to be very beneficial? in a sense those who have experienced it all claimed to have learn some valuable lessons, or get inspired. that, is what i want. i need that click to form within me. life's just so passe right now, so rigid, so fixated.

Illinois, a state in the US. Lhasa, the capital of Tibet China. Middlebury, Vermont. vega places i'm quote interested to venture to. different cultural diversity, different demographics, different beliefs and way of living. i know it's gna take me time to adjust to every place i visit if i really get to go, and i'm nt sure if i'm cut out for it but it's worth trying isn't it. after all, 'life's too short' as commonly quoted by many.

still, travelling in search of a purpose is not going to happen anytime soon. i'm still bounded here, and there's gna be NS soon after the year ends. plus, i'm gna have to work my butts out to save enough money to fulfil that dream. how nicely planned. the real truth is, it's not gna be simple. as i said, i want to travel to discover my torch. if i couldn't find it, what am i gna work as? u see the confusion?

this is really downslide of life. it almost never gives you enough time to uncover your true desires. the only exception occurs very rarely. only a minority of the people in the world would have discovered their existence worth before reaching working age. working though on the other hand, what's the meaning to it?

2009-01-12T19:24:00.002+08:00

first day of school did not turn out very well. even though it was a fresh (not really) morning and everyone has a smile on their faces (even i had one), the rest of the day simply sucked in comparison. firstly, the class was exceptionally quiet since technically half of them disappeared and we had GP for the first lesson. yes GP, that was how bad it was but the philosophy essay was good and insightful. the next part of the horror came because right after GP was econs. bah. plus, i completely dreaded econs as i was absorbed in reading the new forum posts. at least i got to eat my prawn tang hoon soup with lots of chilli. yay, about the only thing i missed. life after school was a torture. there were still Rs, and thus A14 did not go out. stuck in the canteen, and rotted like a decaying corpse. i thought the meeting being brought forward to 2pm would save me, but i was so wrong, so so wrong. engaging in a meeting with nearly no singaporeans and all chinese-language teachers completely sucked. i can speak chinese like super fluently, at least in casual conversation but i realised when it comes to serious work, the English language is still my best friend. and i trudged my way home after a nearly 3 hour meeting. gosh. what a bad way to start the year, and i think this post is super messy and unorganized. happy reading, if there are any readers.

2009-01-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

i just woke up from 5hours of sleep. dang. i missed the ah ma show. IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS ALREADY! oh, and school's starting really soon, i'm so dreading it.

speaking of school, J2 really seems to be a terror. i was on the bus to tampines that day, and since school has already started for the primary and secondary schools, so naturally i would see them on the bus. the whole process was constantly renewed, waiting at bus-stop after school, boarding the bus, alighting from the bus, walking home, end. i can almost my life being like that when school starts, so void, so mundane, so boring.

thinking of it already sends shiver down my spine. i don't want to come home everyday and the first thing i do after bathing and stuff is to study, staring at the pointless books and confined by four walls, on top of the house being empty most of the time. such a terrible envision. okay, i feel like such a loser for whining about how pathetic life is/will be.

class chalet turned out to be such a bloop. attendance was bad = lack of interesting activities = total waste of time. i'm not gonna plan anything for the time being, and don't blame me. once bitten twice shy, i'm tired. though i must admit, yesterday night where we played 'chalet break-out' was cool.

countdown to self-destruction: 5 days.

2009-01-01T21:04:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2009 EVERYBODY! not, A levels year. argh.

had quite a fun session with the A14 dudes and chicks yesterday (this just sounds so weird). met at about 1pm but there were only a few of us who were free then, so we being the nice Samaritans decided to pay this silly girl a visit at awfully chocolate.

feel honored, evil. HAH.

so had lunch at PP, and by the time most of us went to L's house, it was already 3.

the four of them tried to bring down L's kitchen by wrecking havoc, yet they can smile so happily.

while the rest remained in the living room to play PSP, forum, or simply chit chat.

and of course, not forgetting one of our fav pastime, the guitar hero.

PW khakis! minus the always-missing-in-action-soccer-is-my-whole-life tixi.

forum-addicts! we live to play the forum.

TIME TO INTRODUCE A14's VERY OWN SUPERBAND!

L's mum was nice and drove the lot of us to Kallang for dinner.

Nihon Mura! got a treat from L's mom, thanks!

air-hockey showdown at the arcade.

group picture time at the car-park. but some of them left before dinner, and evil came after it, so no pics of them in it.

when we got back, we had the presents lottery and awards results revelations.

spent the whole night and morning playing mahjong.

kudos. A14 is cool. our chalet! pls dun forget.

oh being the new year, i should set some new year resolutions.

(1) mug. i dun mean hardcore mugger cause i will never be one, but at least i will have the initiave to prepare tutorials and study for tests. i want at least 2As for A levels.

(2) get silver or better for napfa. i dun wna enlist so early, i want some time off after As.

(3) class bonding. i hope that most of us will not forgo class outings(if we have) just to 'study'. i mean, what's wrong with having a little fun once in a while.

(4) i hope not to fall into a cheap-ass bastard.

2008-12-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

holiday homework checklist:

( ) Maths Revision Tutorial
( ) Economics Tutorial
( ) Economics Essay
( ) GP Vocab Practices
( ) Start on Duchess Of Malfi
( ) Finish Great Expectations
( ) Re-read Great Gatsby

all un-ticked. oops.

2008-12-24T00:07:00.002+08:00

i hope the dates come soon.

31st: A14 Post X'Mas + Countdown Party
4th: Vaneh's self-initiated bdae celebration
5th-7th: A14 chalet at aloha.

meanwhile, i shall do some studying. been trying to do maths, but it's driving me nuts. AP/GP is still such a bitch, and i think it has gotten worse since promos. can't integrate for crying out loud, losing the touch for differentiation. and there's econs, international trade, wtf is that idk. i wish i could trade it away though. on top of catching up on the notes, there's the tutorial, okay not the worst but plus A FREAKING ESSAY. really thankful for ms fisher for not spamming us with geog compulsory readings/tutorials.

see, studying is such a put-off. lets keep it aside for the moment. or shld i say there are not many such 'moments' left. frankly, i'm really scared of next year. i'm so scared i can't wake up in time before the big As, i can't train hard enough to get a silver or better for NAPFA, i can't bond with the class even more, i can't...the endless 'i can't's.

talk is cheap. lets rot. yay, cheers.

2008-12-21T12:02:00.002+08:00

friday.
i went to police HQ, or is it not? hmm, not sure but the whole point is i got my bursary. wasn't 500bucks but 450bucks, but still it was the highest amt i got for any bursary. MOE bursary gives so little :X it was then i realised why i haven't been getting this saf bursary because it only gives to one child per family, which will obviously award to my sister who keep getting aces. now that she's gone overseas for study, this bursary is mine wahahaha. alright, too dramatic.

as i always say, going out with mama brood good reaps. get to eat some thai cuisine and hong kong dim sum. bought an Levi's jeans (shld have been two if i hadn't acted like one is enough xD), a Cardigan and T-shirt from Baleno. okay, so i spent a total of like 90bucks that day, oops not me i mean mama.

saturday.

8 of us went to ass's house, finally. original date was 15november, and yesterday was 20december, late by a month and 5 days. still, we had fun. started off playing Nintendo Wii.

the first game we played which was uber irritating cause i kept losing, well except for one miserable round. SKIP!

so i hurriedly suggested we switch to Wii Sports.

Tennis. i won!! won Jack like twice. wahaha.

my forte too. wahaha, broke new record.

didn't touch this, but watched the others play. hilarious people which perform weird actions just to win.

Wii really tired people out, physically and mentally so we decided to enjoy a nice cozy movie. Vantage Point, decent plot and actors but it gets on your nerves watching the same event happen over and over again even if it's from 7 different perspectives. they kept complaining i take up a lot of space like hello, i'm so scrawny. it's that they are fat. rahh.

had lunched after the movie, which was a spread as usual. chicken rice + veggies + prawns + roasted meat + charsiew + fruits + ice-cream.

continued our movie time in the home theatre. went late and got a horrible seat, shit!

although this movie is quite old, but i haven't seen it. funny as the earliar ones, but uncomfortable seating diminishes the enjoyment. ): continued with Wii playing and PS3 after HA4. I THRASHED EVERYONE IN PS3!

dinnered at about 8pm. went to TM for a while, and then home. tiring but fun. lets have more!

2008-12-17T00:16:00.003+08:00

today's clique outing was 4/5 successful, cause Cheryl the boss couldn't make it. shockingly, jade turned up like hello, dinosaur i thought you fossilized already. anyway, so the four of us went to ice-cream chef at siglap. actually, our plan was pretty disorganized and silly cause we had ice-cream before cafe cartel which is like eating dessert before the main course. ooh. dumb, but can't be helped cause wife's around.

[-hides in a hole- i look like a spastic dope alright, don't look so happy lah!]

[vaneh and vegetable boy. V2]

[what we had at cafe cartel, i miss the bread.]

[there, promiscuous woman! i wonder why she's my wife.]

[she still has that hole in her stomach, go fix it pls]

[van's ribs which i believe half of it went into wife's stomach, i mean hole]

[these 2 silly donkeys think they v cute ah]

[talk about dumb.]

[group picture 1]

[supposedly, this should be a better shot.]

smiles. actually, it was comfortable meeting up with these people whom i saw the most the past two years and whom did most of the stuff together with me in class. our clique should have a name! haaaah. next time, we should have a complete outing.
#1: Jian An the Monitor!
#2: Cheryl the Sonic Screecher!
#3: Vanessa the Smart Nerd-not!
#4: Yijie the Vegetarian Spirit!
#5: Jade the Silly Bimbo!

till the next time.

2008-12-15T22:46:00.002+08:00

my holiday metamorphosis is beginning again! whenever i feel super tired but i don't go to sleep, i get energized and become more alert. it's a bad phenomenon because i end up sleeping at 3am every morning and wake up at unusual timings like very early or very late. no! this has gotta stop! i wonder how i'm gna adjust to school timings which will begin in a month's time.

sea regatta, no sea CARNIVAL dry run today was kinda...dull? it all started on a bright lazy afternoon where the sun rays just make me wna nap, and i almost did while lazing on the stone benches at ECP. plus, the OGLs were taking such a long time to come; they arrived only at 4+ when the dry run was scheduled to start at around 3? waiting bores hatred rahh. dog and bones isn't exactly a very interesting station either, on top of the painful sand scratches the OGLs were complaining of while playing. point noted. had a rather short debrief and had dinner at PP. mama cooks seldomly these days, dun blame her but i hate eating out. sometimes when u get home, all u wna do is have a ready-cooked meal. who wants to walk out further >.>

tml meeting 4GR clique minus Cheryl at ice cream chef! though i got a feeling, dearest jade is gonna pangseh us for one reason or another. wife, u btr prove me wrong you capricious woman! i guess it's gna be another round of laughter and gossip.

oh and omg can u guys believe i'm actually getting bursary this year? it's not like i haven't been getting before but my JC1 results suck like hell, bursary do depend on results as well you see, and i think it's a freaking 500bucks! woooooooooo. does that mean i get like at least 50? moree.

saturday would be long awaited [bai chi bai he] session, where we, Violence, would be leeching off ass's family. lunch, tea break, dinner yess. plus the movie marathorns in the home theatre and talking and playing and +++ i need the quality time!

but then, no plans on wednesday and thursday. actually, i feel the urge and stay home and rot. i mean study and do the tutorials, and go training which has been put off since hols started. man. i'm halfway through PRLG. smile.

2008-12-12T21:29:00.002+08:00

this show is hilarious, i mean it. i think it was the second show that i laughed so much, behind White Chicks.

class outing today wasn't very successful, but oh wells there seemed to be diminishing number of people turning up nowadays. hopefully, 31st would be great.

and and. i finished Power Rangers In Space! omg. it was fabulous.

'Lets Rock It!'

[from top left: Andros, Carlos, TJ, Zhane, Cassie, Ashley]

oops. i'm still in the PR mood. alright, time to start on Lost Galaxy.

2008-12-11T20:40:00.002+08:00

We think we know them. We think we love them. But what we love turns out to be a poor translation, a translation we ourselves have made, from a language we barely know. We try to get past it to the original, but we never can. We have seen it all. But what have we really understood.

The Story of a Marriage, Andrew Sean Greer

words for thoughts :)

2008-12-10T21:15:00.002+08:00

how reprehensible and sordid can you get janard. have u stoop so low? no, i was never in heaven.

back from 3D2N council chalet. can't believe i really stayed for both nights, thought i would return on day 2.

8th december - day 1.
arrived late cause it was raining heavily, only reached at 4pm when meeting time was 3:15pm. waited for some of them to pick me up cause a few were at NTUC buying tidbits and other junk. aranda's the one where i had np squad chalet during sec3! or iszit sec4 or sec2? haha forgot. kinda spacious but lack of good amenities. played cards and mahjong and talked rubbish. BKed for dinner, and sauntered around EHub which was kinda aimless cause there wasn't a specific destination or planned activity to do. ended up not doing anything and headed back for chalet. cards and mahjong and talk rubbish again(CMR). once again,we were conned by greg to go for night walk -_- and we kinda sat at changi park and engage in meaningless convos. got tired and back again to chalet where i played mahjong the whole night.

9th december - day 2.
a group of the councillors went cycling and the J2s caught a movie. being me, of cause i skipped cycling and stayed behind in a futile attempt to sleep. i tot i had dozed off but was awakened by the mahjong tiles and opened my eyes. barely 40mins had just passed by. got frustrated and joined in the mahjong session but never won. had subway for lunch and did the usual routine - CMR! haha, real parasitic life. eat and play but no sleep for me ): council dinner at Thaipan Changi where massive camwhoring session took place. pictures not with me, but i didn't took a lot, merely group shots. by the second night, there were only a few ppl left. tried to occupy my time while reading and was successful till the other batch of J2s returned. played mahjong again the entire night and won quite a few rounds. woo. haha, they were quite funny and childish to some extent but i could tell they seemed rather close. i wonder if i will have a clique like that in council too haha.

10th december - day 3.
frankly, the reason i stayed behind was ... walked greg and irving to the mrt early in the morning at 7+, should have brought along my bag cause i ended up looking ridiculous walking to and fro. while on the train, it was as though the fatique suppressed from the lack of sleep for 2 nights was overwhelming me and i nearly fell into deep slumber. i was so scared i would just doze off and fall. curbed myself which was excruciating and quickly headed for home. instant KO when i stepped into the house. dropped the bag, and jumped into bed even though i felt super unkempt. woke up earliar than expected, at 2pm. i'm feeling super tired right now though. no staying up tonight.

what was that that i felt. shame, jealousy and perhaps even envy.

2008-12-07T22:30:00.003+08:00

shit, big trouble next week. BOTH parents home the WHOLE of next week, yes i mean MONDAY TO SUNDAY OMFG. this means, i will lose my freedom to do whatever i want at home and get constantly nagged at for hogging the computer the whole day, receive belligerent glares for not accompanying them out and dragged out of the house for every meal. DAMN I HATE IT! okay, that's only when my dad's home actually. i never liked him being at home, cause there's 99% chance of a quarrel, no quarrel is no longer the correct term. i can't remember when was the last time i actually rebutted every single fault they picked on me, but now my approach is simply to lie low and keep quiet. ahh, explanation is always meaningless. so what?

back to the main point, i'm actually glad though i will only be home for one day next week. whew.
monday-wednesday: council chalet
(yes, i'm actually going cause A14 has no time for me because of their training while i'm the only parasite. plus the real reason is my Project Runaway...from home)
thursday: free day! i mean free-less. home with parents = caged bird.
friday: A14 day.
saturday-sunday: CIP
-grins-

the following content is gonna be dedicated to my long-lost childhood favourite heroes: POWER RANGERS! i happened to watch an episode on youtube yesterday and the old feeling came back; like deja vu all over again and i go 'OH YEA, I'M LIKING THE HELMED FIGHTERS AGAIN!'

2008-12-05T23:34:00.003+08:00

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don't know about you. And then tag 5 people.

1. i often dream about what i am not. top scorer, athletic and stuff. pathetic.

2. i'm not on good terms with my family. it's kinda on-off.

3. i am an introvert. i like long bus rides alone, completing tasks alone etc. actually it's a mixture of trying to be independent too, note the trying.

4. i think i will/have inherit(ed) my parents' diseases of diabetes and vertigo. i try to abstain from over-indulgence of sweet stuff.

5. i had a concussion when i was younger, and the funny thing is there seems to be 2 versions to the story. my impression was i knocked my head against the window grille while my sister who was with me during that time said i fell of the bed and bled. comical.

6. i often fantasize about being the long-lost child of a rich family. that's how important i actually view money, sorry but i admit that i'm superficial.

7. i used to believe in everlasting and true love, but life's never smooth-sailing. love comes with a price-to sacrifice which is often too heavy for most people. dun misunderstand, i was never in a relationship.

8. i like to watch shows which most people deemed silly, like The Unforgettable Memories (channel 8 4:30pm weekdays) and Winx Club the movie which i caught 2 weeks ago online and of course many more. so?

9. i am on the journey to fully-accept myself for who i am. there are many aspects about myself which i am not satisfied with, but now i'm trying to. it's really important because up till now, i dun feel like i'm 'whole', but living on fragments of myself.

10. i'm cynical yet ignorant. i doubt a lot of stuff and i'm usually right that something is amiss, but never could guess what's the plot.

11. recently, i found out that i am a potential spendthrift. i believe i spent close to 500bucks last month though many of which are not tangible. i'm still eyeing the topman shirts + my black jeans!

12. i often confuse infatuation with actually taking a liking for someone.

13. my house is really cramped now, there are 11 people living in my house. okay, now it's only 8 but still i cannot afford to bring my friends home, though that's if i have any.

14. i'm afraid of direct eye contacts which is why i usually look down or don't look into some1's eyes.

15. i could seriously bitch about someone i don't like, though it's pretty obvious. kinda ran out of stuff to write.

16. i m stubborn and like to do things my way which often turns out to be terribly wrong. wise words fall deaf on me, so don't bother trying.

17. i could be straightforward in pinpointing someone's faults provided things don't get ugly but sometimes i make a wrong judgement.

5 people to do this quiz. just suit yourselves.

had a short but great evening. met up with van and shan to attend vegetable's guitar concert at TPJC. it's really different, secondary friends just spark off the i-can-talk-all-night-with-you kinda feeling. been gossiping with them both since we started walking, over the dining table at swensens, after the concert and of course on the bus ride home. funny. the concert wasn't exactly the greatest though we were late but that's not the main point. YIJIE, SEEEEE WE WENT! okay, just the 3 of us.

it's 12am, but i can't seemed to fall asleep again. brain processing and won't give up. been waking up later each day, 10:30am the day before, 11:30am yesterday and 12pm today. eyebags been getting heavier and training's been on hold forever.

no class gatherings anytime soon. ):

2008-12-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

just a question of love? life's never this easy. i hope it was simpler.

caught many movies this week, and all of them kinda gave me new insights. GR was one that i could relate to the most; how the feelings of the protagonists were portrayed, the struggles and turmoils they had to experience before achieving self-actualization, and not forgetting the problems that stood obstructing them. empathy, the emotion never gotten any weaker. BC was similar in a different way, ironically. the film was a narrative account done by X himself. we see how his values about the world slowly change through the help of patrick. JQ touched on the aspect that i really wanted to see, the family link.

i was mesmerized and slightly deluded by these masterpieces, but i pulled myself back. as much as i would love the fairytale endings, there's but a thin line separating them from reality.

thinking thinking. but i think i can now view issues differently, at least i feel that i could.

2008-12-02T21:37:00.002+08:00

what happened today. lets see, woke up with a throbbing jingle blast in my head and went to school for March Camp adhoc meeting. turned out that SDD was tonight, saw tons of purple bags being loaded into a van by the SCs. anyway, today's meeting was rather disorganized but at least the programme outline for all three days are about fixed, left with the troublesome details which i'm not planning to reel myself into.

lunched at PP BK with the adhoc, and we followed Cheryl high and low just to buy a single mug though she rampaged through the Body and Face Shop and well of course other outlets too. felt so lethargic i cancelled the movie outing but then for once cause valdog was early, the outing was revived. haha. met up at PS with valdog, ngo and L and we caught this:

actually though i very much anticipated what was gonna happen, some parts still sent shivers down my body and had occasional goosebumps. the creepy Rihana who bit her own mother and screeched like a banshee. ugh. HOLY. overall, i think REC was scarier and also because they explained the origin of the virus. gahh. 'possessed girl'.

dined at crystal jade after the movie. the porridge damn nice, i mean considering i abhor porridge most of the time, and i found this rather appetising. oh, and had my plain noodles haha, learnt from evil and eugene. CHEAPO! nono, that is scrimpy. waha.

it's all back to nothingness again tml. i'm so jealous i can't play Tales Of Abyss cause i saw the video yesterday on youtube and the animation is like...to die for. nah, not so serious but IT'S A MUST PLAY!

2008-11-30T20:55:00.002+08:00

this was what i caught today. aiyah. i didn't get what the story was half the time, just concentrating on the action grooves and ...intimate scenes. isn't that what bond movies are about ironically. daniel craig got the bod no doubt, but heh the man he shot at the last scene looked even better than him. boo.

tomorrow tomorrow. what shall i do. no1 is replying my msg about catching movie or just meet up and gossip, WHY. am i the only no-lifer, gasp.

boredom has gotten so exotic i've turned to doing holiday homework to pass time. maths, ugh. just kill me with all the graphs, suddenly graphs is my worst topic aside from AP, GP.

and what's with all the unrest in the other countries. terrorist attacks on taj mahal hotel in india, multiple bombings + strikes in bangkok. after reading the news reports, i can't help but blame the indian government for their inapproriate way of handling the attack; how could they merely rely on miltary force and not call for negotiations with the terrorists. this puts the lives of hostages in danger. eyewitnesses claimed that it was due to the lack of negotiations that the terrorists furiously decided to massacre all the remaining hostages while they earliar reassured the females hostages that they will be safe. shucks, of course i'm not siding with the terrorists because they are the culprits of such merciless murders but, diplomacy is definitely needed. i just hope the Singaporean lawyer who died under the hands of the terrorists can rest in peace, and she was actually an ex-student from VJC. world peace is really important, and seeing fellow Singaporeans die isn't a very pleasant feeling.

WORLD PEACE!

2008-11-28T13:48:00.001+08:00

this was the show i watched yesterday NIGHT, which got me so jumpy for the rest of the time. frankly it wasn't scary mostly but when the time for horror crept in, it took my soul away. two instances, i never expected the little girl to suddenly start screaming as though in fits and when Pablo filmed what was in the attic - the source of the virus, the possessed Meredeth girl! totally stunned when the Meredeth freak came out. ah, i could still feel my heart contract and my legs shivering. lets see if i should watch Quarantine. zz.

there's council meeting tml! sound unusually happy ain't i, nope i'm nt exuberant because of meeting, just glad i could be out of house on a saturday morning. hate sat mornings, they simply sucked cause everyone's home. but meeting mapa(mama and papa) in the afternoon to get my new adidas or at least they said they were gna get me. went online and had about 4-5 designs i could possibly get. since i'm out with them, i should get a new wallet and the adidas bag i saw in royal sporting house which i'm paying myself, 52bucks okay. oh i just rmbed, i could get Twilight tml from Borders.

the library sent a notice on wednesday; it was then i rmbed the book i just recently returned was overdue. oops. still, i'm going nlb on sunday i guess to get more books, comics in disguise i mean. the first meaningful action i did this whole week was clearing my wardrobe this morning. quite alot of clothes to donate to salvation army, so bless me.

yea. and still in the midst of recovering from Rangiku's shock. don't die! get up and pawn the fraccions.

2008-11-26T23:01:00.002+08:00

monday.
can't rmb. but i think i was messing with the PS2 configuration. so shit i can't play Tales of Abyss though i spent 3 days downloading it.

tuesday.
class celebration for the november babies. lunched at astons, had crushed ice, shopped around suntec & marina square then dinnered at pasta de waraku. see, eating is like our only past-time. 'you always go shopping one, like girl' that's what teo told me, gasp. okay, i kinda find it hard to rebutt cause it's true lah, been buying quite a lot of stuff lately. i believe i'm adding an adidas shoes to my collection, but i need it! i only have my Kappa and Reebok shoes! oh wells, i'm thinking of getting a pair of black jeans really.

[Crushed Ice Dessert Shop]

[Pasta De Waraku]

today.
had a splitting headache for idk what reason. tried to do maths, but got exasperated. this week the class has no plans! shucks, damn bored. i know, i shall go conceptualize the A14 Awards i came up with yesterday hah. i wanna go out but pocket's tight ):

2008-11-23T21:29:00.002+08:00

well well, traveling to hougang isn't exactly that far. but still, meeting at 8am was agonizingly painful. for the first time in my life, i almost leaned against someone's shoulders while sleeping on the mrt today; guess that was how tired i were.

today's C.I.P. wasn't what i expected; i wanted something more engaging and fulfilling but it turned out to be like that time during Redhill. Today was simply helping out manning booths during the Community Centre's Open House, but all the residents wanted was to get their redemption ticket stamped to receive their free umbrella jeez. i can't say i haven't learn anything other than witnessing the ugly side of Singaporeans; so cautious as to not put themselves at an disadvantage at any time and try to grab as much material benefits as possible. i've seen heartwarming actions today, i saw a fostering community spirit within the residents; they were chattering with vibrance and vigour and also guiding each other around the event. most importantly, i saw different races mingling and interacting as one single conglomeration and even speaking each race's language; like the whole kit and caboodle. today's event though exposed my deficiency in speaking chinese fluently. so yeap, C.I.P. activities are rather meaningful and hope more to come.

potato? wth. i can't say i didn't feel disgrunted, i did. but then it just proved me wrong again; i'm not that good at handling such oppresive emotions as i thought i was, and most trufully i wasn't ready to let that dream be dashed. it wouldn't work out, it wouldn't work out. how many times have i told myself this and end up with a more crapulous development. this has gotta stop, i always wonder if i meant it when i say this.

okay. bye bye.

2008-11-22T22:04:00.002+08:00

waking up at 6:50am today was simply unbearable. i've gotten so used to crawling out of bed at 9+ or 10+ that i cannot bear to open my eyes before that. trudged wearily to school for CNY adhoc stuff, which was simply painting and moving logistics. no, simply would be an understatement; painting could be so terrible.

with a hungry and aching stomach, i made my way to buy charlene and jasmine's presents which took quite a while. but haha, though they weren't exactly anything exquisite or incredulous, at least i put in an effort. and as i was telling teo just now, maybe i really should not bother celebrating someone's birthday next year. doing so might give a wrong impression i'm totally okay with that someone, which is all a felony. teo, rmb to go see the 淫照(s)!

wee. contributing to the society tml, C.I.P. at hougang! the thought of it kinda puts me off cause it's so far? but i promised i would help out so i would go, i think? hmm, and i kept thinking 43 can get me to hougang, or does it not? lets hope it would be productive tml, and i will have a sunny deposition (since when).

ahh, and i wna go buy more stuff. clothes, shoes, books whatever. can't wait till next tues for nov people celebration at Astons, and our post x'mas + countdown party. Quarantine looks really attractive, any deals?

i've putting off training, phyical and ball wise. sloth kicked in. and i need to stop getting over everyone i see. NO!

2008-11-21T16:00:00.002+08:00

somehow, i woke up today with my legs feeling incredibly heavy. i don't remember doing any vigorous walking or running yesterday hmmm.

study trip yesterday kinda failed though i was the most hardworking. did the maths revision tutorial and finished the 1st section on inequalities, linear equations and logarithms, but there are still 60+ sums to do. ended up talking and them laughing at my obsession over HSM3's songs. oh and mama treated me to jack's place for lunch plus ended up unintentionally with more tops and bottoms. what a rip, oops.

i dunked down 3 cups of calories down my throat yesterday night and ended up running for toilet 3 times before i went to sleep. then just now, i gulped down another 1.5cups of calories. grow grow grow.

bleach 335 is intense! finally we get to see captain shunsui and captain ukitake in a real fight, and ukitake's so cute. does that sound wrong? hmm okay nvm, but u will understand what i mean.

Lilinette the fraccion and Ukitake has some funny convo. haha.

damn, the three halibel's bitch fraccions wun die! i'm so repulsed by them. now after they resurrect, they look even worse; a deer, a snake and a lioness?! Rangiku, go thrash them! the tenth division won't lose, look what a haemaphrodite the bitches formed after combining. ugh.

TVB 2009 Sneak previews.

personally, i'm looking forward to quite a few shows but A levels, damn!
1) Ada Choi's Superwoman show
2) The Academy 3rd Part
3) Sheren Tang's show. she looks incredibly cool in the new drama. Best Actress!
4) The Palace show. Got Tavia Yeung, Michelle Yim, Susanna Kwan and Christine Ng.woo.
5) Burning dno what 3.
6) Heaven and Earth. Strong Cast.

wah so many. hope i fun get distracted next year.

2008-11-18T22:58:00.002+08:00

i should really visit the book fair some time soon. but from what i've heard, the books aren't exactly attractive. I WANT TWILIGHT!

the more i read 'The Night I Freed John Brown', the more bored i get. i presume it's because i haven touched it for ages, which caused the dwindling interest in continuing to explore the storyline. boo.

anyway, DUCHESS OF MALFI IS A PLAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! i haven't got the faintest idea that it's a play, am i the only one? cause i got a shock when i got the book this morning. eagerly i flipped open the book and read, 'Act I-Scene I...' my eyes lost focus and drifted to look at others; at least some of them had the same expressions. funny. most of us thought it was a novel, damn another addition to the already-very-thick-literature-reading-list.

lunched at PP before I successfully pestered Evil that we go her house and explore. that silly girl was so frantic because her ez-link card slipped under my seat and she kept molesting my butt; i mean she thought the card might be hidden by my pi-gu. EVIL SMELLS BAD.

sat at Toa Payoh Mos and slacked while waiting for Evil to finish trimming her hair, which btw looks no different. had free fries kindly sponsored by Valdog; okay i admit we kinda borrowed her 2bucks to buy the fries heh. and i found Jasmine's present in TP! haha shhh dun tell any1 ngo! headed to bugis in an attempt to buy the nov babies' presents, but ended up eating at soup spoon only.

ngo's house on thurs, and bdae celeb next tues. tml, what shall i do? lets see, shld i resume fl? ff8's kinda pissing me off right now due to the UFO sidequest. think.

thoughts.

2008-11-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

in retrospect, it has almost been a year since i've entered junior college. frankly till this point in time, i haven't had a clear grasp of why i had chosen jc over poly.

perhaps it was the lack of confidence that kept me away from going to poly. most people who went poly had a definite clear interest in a particular field and wanted to further polish that skill they already possessed by pursuing education in poly and the specific course. what useful skills do i have to boost about? as far as i can recollect, there wasn't any. i used to have this passion for drawing, but seeing how real artists pull their stunt, i knew i wasn't up to becoming a professional artist. poly education just doesn't seem right for me. i rmbed a senior once told me this, 'if you are unsure of what you want to be in the future, go to jc, u have at least 2 more years to figure that question.' thinking back, it was kind of true. no doubt i set my mind to enter jc at the end of sec3.

entering jc requires merely 20pts or below. considering cchms standard(band 2 when i was sec3), 20pts is considered mediocre or even below average. in other words, i should be able to enter jc easily, but no. sec3 was one of the worst year throughout my 4years in cchms. when i say worst, i dun mean feeling unhappy or glum, but academically. my eoy results totalled up to an L1R5 of 34, L1B4 of 25. i'm hardly eligible for any course in poly, much less jc. my parents ended up seeing my then form teacher, Ms Anisa. her exact words resonated exactly in my ears even till now, 'so jian an, what jc do you aspire to go to?'. with a little bit of hesitation, i replied 'vjc'. there was a slight moment of silence before Ms Anisa commented. 'but your L1R5 is 34. your problem now is you cannot get into jc with your current grades. to be more practical, you should aim for 20 for sec4 mye.' i felt discouraged but i couldn't blame her, she was right. however, i strongly believed i could do much better if i did study.

sec4 wasn't smooth sailing. didn't achieve 20points by mye, it was 25. close. then by prelims i had 11 and finally net a 9 for Os. my grades were enough to at least enroll into vjc during PAE(of course i appealled) and JAE Arts Faculty. i never regretted choosing Arts, for i know i would feel terribly miserable in the Science stream. i just ain't a science person; dropped physics b4 Os somemore (gay shit). most importantly, if i didn't choose Arts, i wouldn't be able to enter 08A14, the reason which kept me going right now.

sad to say, i have to admit i haven't been contributing to the school through the 10months in this new environment, where i constantly see high-achievers doing the school proud, be it academically or in their own specialized aspects. there were a few issues i regretted not having enough courage to do in vjc so far, but no point talking about them now. i have just been an average student i guess, at least i tried to keep myself out of trouble. then, my cca isn't exactly what i enjoy doing, it's not i adhor or find it repulsive, but it just doesn't engage me enough. so i'm pretty much with the A14 people, the best people i've ever met (and also the ugliest side of human nature).

i always thought how i would be if i did not appeal during PAE and stayed in TJC. TJ is a good school no doubt, and i know i would also do well there if i worked hard. somehow, i didn't liked it when i went for its open house, the principal kinda pissed me off and there was this studious tension that hung hitherto in the air. i even get this feeling that the student tour-guides are trying too hard to be enthusiastic and promote their school, quite opposite to what i perceive in VJC's open house. i don't mean to offend, but this is my true honest feelings. therefore, i never regret coming to VJ, i should be glad that they are willing to accept someone like me who always had inconsistent grades. i know i am much happier here.

JC was another great leap from secondary school. independence and self-discipline were rather inherent qualities i had to consistently remind myself to pick up and drill within myself. it also taught me on how harsh reality can be, how demanding and practical society is. singapore is a paper-chase country; there are tons of university graduates on the streets jobless. if i want to compete to get a job, i have to stand out and the minimum criteria would be to ensure my results are at least comparable. mainly the reason why i've chosen jc instead of poly, it would be easier for me to enter university: NUS Law. Law, what a joke. how coveted is this.

2008-11-15T22:20:00.002+08:00

i'm watching the lagging by 10mins telecast of TVB Anniversary Awards 2008 on PPStream. -gasp- most of this year's awards were rather expected and convincing, except a few imo.

Best Actor: Ha Yu [Heart Of Greed 2: Moonlight Resonance]
Best Actress: Michelle Yim [Heart Of Greed 2: Moonlight Resonance]
Best Supporting Actor: Wayne Lai [forgot]
Best Supporting Actress: TAVIA YEUNG [Heart Of Greed 2: Moonlight Resonance]
Best Series: Heart Of Greed 2: Moonlight Resonance
My Favourite Female Role: Louise Lee [Ho Ma - HOG2]
My Favourite Male Role: Raymond Lam [Kam Wing Ho - HOG2]

woohoo. HOG2 swept all the awards yess.

2008-11-14T21:41:00.002+08:00

just how many times are you going to malign me for things i've never done. it's so tiring to explain, no wait, do you even listen? or are your ears too clocked by rigidity, your brain too overwhelmed by your own crooked 'reasoning' you can't even deduce logically. i don't understand why i have to put up with any of your nonsense, respecting you has always been so difficult.

nihilism, the fantastic word to depict everything.

1 a: a viewpoint that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless. yes i'm feeling nihilistic right now.

b: a doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths. this is like the best description of you.

fuck.

2008-11-13T16:06:00.002+08:00

sushi buffet yesterday kept me bloated...not. somehow, the satisfaction vanished suddenly yesterday night and i felt famished. hah, den swallowed a whole bowl of noodles down my throat. oh well, i should have eaten more during buffet!

the week's pretty much the same i guess. still on my road to complete FF8, not bad i'm at disc 3 already. my next game shall be...pokemon diamond pearl. oops. haha. miss the times playing such stuff, memories. been thinking if i should return to chung cheng tml if there's NP, all of a sudden i thought about how long i haven been back to visit.

family stuff on saturday, buffet + restaurant dining. sunday will probably have clique outing, i guess.

i need to start training...fast...and play the wilson ball. A14, pls go sentosa. i haven played volley for ages, or any pro wna coach me? heh.

2008-11-11T19:59:00.002+08:00

it's silly upon thinking about it, how people always forget the fundamentals while pursuing higher order dreams.

watched AM just now. i must say, it has been long since i've properly watched such films. as always, these films always made me reaffirm my beliefs, the way i've can i say train myself to react towards certain situation, certain aspects in life. AM is a comedy ironically, light-hearted and merry and filled with exuberance. the message of the show is really simple and very true as i have mentioned earliar; people forgetting the roots. lets say for example in AM, the protagonists were so obsessed with wanting to prove that they've turned adults; to lose their virginity before summer ends etc, but at the very end things don't turn out as they had expected. 'sex is nothing without love' (woot!), and perhaps the one they have been looking for have been right beside them. unfortunately, the sequel looks irritably boring and the new cast horribly looking (sorry, i'm quite superficial).

lit lesson online tml at 10am! but i prefer having it in school, online lessons as much as i want it, they ain't effective enough.

i've finished FF8 disc 2! embarking on disc 3. sigh, anyone wna lend me Twilight?

2008-11-09T13:59:00.002+08:00

i had a dream yesterday, and it kinda crept me out. i was in the lift of some weird building (doesn't make sense right, duh) and the lift accelerated upwards incredibly fast and skyrocketed away. then found the lift hanging on some loose cable wires(for some weird reason the cable wires weren't connected to anywhere) and the lift door opened. so naturally, i took a plunge down (rather high okay, like 10m). so i looked around, i was in a thick dense forest! and zomg tons of wild animals, antelopes, elephants, bears etc, but there seemed to be fences here and there, perhaps a large-scale animal ranch. OOH THEN I SPOTTED A TIGER LURKING NEARBY! i got so jumpy and quickly ran away, in search of the owner of the ranch, and i found a hut! the hut had people from all over the world, and no1 understood what i said (i kept repeating SINGAPORE), until 1 Caucasian lady knew what i was talking about. she said i was in AMERICA (rather under-developed huh) and being a nice person she got a boat for me and ta-da i ended back in Singapore. (i have no idea how i got away from the forest, and why i can reach Singapore within 20mins)

the dream doesn't stop! being the silly me, i went to board the same lift and press level 118. so i ended up in the vegetated forest of America, but this time the lift hung loosely next to the hut, convenient huh. i got down and the kind caucasian lady was still inside! so i got a boat back to Singapore again....no...this time overshot and ended up in Malaysia. Then somehow i got on a truck back to Singapore but the truck won't stop! it began to crash through all the structures and...i woke up.

i think my dream's incredible. but ending up in an unfamiliar surrounding really scares me, how everything seemed different and stuff.

2008-11-08T12:12:00.002+08:00

BBQ was cool. nearly the whole class turned up, plus marcus and his gf, but we still couldn't finish the food! awww.

rest of pictures on class blog. whee. send off later at T2! and i'm so tired i feel like sleeping again.

should i or should i not. i'm nt sure if i still retained the same passion as i had last time for vb. shucks. anyway, i doubt it will be an asset to the team if i really joined.

2008-11-06T23:20:00.003+08:00

outings and more outings. house crashes and more house crashes. movies and more movies.

somehow, life's been enjoyable, hanging out with A14 makes me happy.

but. i'm feeling rather lethargic. i kinda miss my parasitic way of spending the holidays. no work. little studying. online 24/7.

as i sat in the canteen on Tuesday after OP rehearsal and read 'The Day I Freed', it dawned to me that i've been missing out on simple pleasures like this.

i need to discipline myself more and read, yes read. oh yea speaking of which, perhaps i should visit the library on Sunday.

Class BBQ tml. Send-off on Saturday. means seeing more of the Freaks Of Nature. haha.

oh, i just finished d/ling disc 3 of FF8, though i'm still at disc 1.

hit with the 'emo influenza' again. yes, it's a disease, one which spreads even. walking to school is always a good time for me to think and reflect on what i've been doing, so pardon me if i try to ignore anyone in the mornings. jaded.

the good news is PW is finally officially over. it didn't end with a bang, but rather...how should i say it. muffled? no. but just, ended without an ending. cliche isn't it. it's like after filing properly ur GPF, then u can tell urself 'PW IS GONE!'. end. fullstop.

ahh. but. i'm glad it's over, really. though some others might be happier.

i'm seriously wondering what would happen tml. pls let it be all nice and fun, though part of me deep inside wants a showdown. oops. bad.

i think i shld start picking up the vball lying in my room, untouched for ages. WILSON!

2008-11-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

Project Work is overrr! alright maybe not yet, official day of release is tml after we finish GPF filing.

OP today was, rather fine i guess. but actually i could feel my legs slightly trembling, but somehow i still managed to put on a calm composure. i was so glad i did my I&R yesterday, cause i used what i thought of for I&R to answer my Q&A. hopefully it was a good enough answer, considering there wasn't a second qn shot at me. but whatever it is, this treacherous journey is almost done. just a step to the finishing line.

seriously i wna shout it out loud, SCRAM. we don't need you to make our lives miserable, stop hurting the people around.

2008-11-03T22:08:00.004+08:00

i know this game came out a million years ago, but it's my current addiction! alright, but i'm so freaking slow i'm still at disc 1 after...a week.

oh for those who watched HSM3, i bet you are familiar with this scene. MY FAVOURITE HAHA! talk about being mean.

2008-11-02T00:02:00.002+08:00

kudos to Ultimate Avengers 2: Rise Of the Panther. Good graphics, decent plot, acceptable characters. Still, making Ultimate X-Men a movie would be much better.

i swear i will never go queensway anytime soon. the bus ride to and fro kills.

2008-10-31T22:50:00.003+08:00

OP practice today was SO horrible. i tried to smile, but ended up overdoing it and broke into laughter many times. i seriously have no idea how/where to place my hands, except occasional irrelevant hand gestures, plus my legs were rooted to the ground, making me look so stiff and rigid. like how am i gonna scrape through my presentation next wednesday. bad.

on a side-note, caught High School Musical 3 with Yao, L, Jas, Ngo and Val. i will give it 3.5/5 for the original choreography and the glamour and life. as usual, there wasn't much storyline or character development but of course a musical should not be viewed as like a normal movie. i think Ryan was comely, and humorous especially when coupled with Sharpay [no idea how to spell her name]. Troy and Gabriella, too touchy and mushy. throughout the movie, i really felt like screaming 'OH PLEASE DON'T START SINGING AGAIN!' at scenes when T and G are alone and thinking of each other and soft background music starts playing. too much broth spoils the soup, too much singing spoils the show. but yep, worth paying the 6bucks. at least i cleared Yao's belated present today, feel honored haha, you were the first on the list.

2008-10-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

today was So-You-Think-You-Can-Bake session. decided to go last minute cause it was rather boring at home. net is freaking slow which means i cannot watch any shows, but not as if i have any in mind now BUT I NEED A FASTER INTERNET CONNECTION!

oh, my cheesecake turned out to be...rather off. haha. no it's not the taste! it's the biscuit base which tasted with those lao hong feel. Ade's looked much better than mine, hers only had small acne while mine simply had a mo peng face. and conclusion is ngo's mother cooks absolutely appetizing dishes. we shall visit more. basically all we did at ngo's house was eat and more eating. snacked while competiting for cheesecake chef and then washed up and nette wanted to show off her fabulous (sarcasm) mee goreng by spaming lots of MSG.

alright. i'm starting to feel REALLY poor, and i kinda dun wna make payment for the black jacket i ordered online (47bucks leh). oh, and i wna buy presents for those whose birthdays i missed. got about...10 people? ah broke. plus, there's class chalets and their random outings. why can't money just drop from the sky.

2008-10-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

Salute to Avengers!

okay, i still prefer X-Men much more. hello, anyone wna buy me the entire set of Ultimate X-Men comics?

2008-10-25T22:13:00.003+08:00

Off Peddlers!

It's a newly started long running series. kinda funny. yeap yeap. but only 20mins each episode.

2008-10-23T20:31:00.002+08:00

I just watched this! okay okay, i know i'm lag buti still caught it anyway. pretty sad story. i guess all liao zhai stories are like that, no fairytale endings.

oh and Gems Of Life turned out to be quite worth watching up till now.

2008-10-22T20:58:00.002+08:00

i think i'm out too often nowadays. I WANNA STAY HOME!

monday.
went to have my hair cut. and for crying out loud, i did not dye my hair black. i know it's almost all black now, but i repeat again, i just had them brushed with black. soon, the colour's gna wear off and i'm old again. oh, and unexpectedly ended up with 3 more tops.

tuesday.
our OP slot was canceled but already halfway going to school. so just sat through the other group's presentations. some were really funny but most of us just ain't that prepared huh. went out to parkway with L, yao, val, ngo, sarah and jaslow. had venetia or how shld i spell it ice cream. it's rather cheap and taste heavenly. double flavour cup! decided that parkway's just too boringgg, so headed down to bugis. they accompanied me all around bugis just to get one single belt which i didn't get, so we got fed up and went V8 for dinner. quite some time since i went there. i recommended them there! alright, the irony was that i finally got my belt in 3mins while waiting for 197 to come and i just happened to walk into some random shop.

wednesday.
went school yet again, for pw OP. ugh. we finally had our turn to present. it wasn't too bad i guess. just that i had no script and i kinda formed weird sentences. after OP, i went far east in an attempt to purchase some stuff. but oh well, i ended up gg to bugis to continue to search for my items. evil called and said she's coming with sarah. waited for them and went to library to return and borrow comics & books. so the 3 of us went to bugis street and looked for what we can buy. currently in my once-a-year-purchase-phase. got 2 bermudas. too tight. TOO TIGHT LEH. ME! not my fault, the shop no fitting room. shall go back tml to see if i can exchange for L. yes, L. i'm shocked myself too. oh, and evil tricked me into buying xiao long bao so she could eat at crystal jade.

tml got the OP filming. noo. i'm not prepared. ugh, bugis again tml. 3rd time this week. but nvm. haha.

2008-10-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

pee double you. the new in-thing in town.

noooooo, O Levels are gna start tml! that's such a bad thing. okay, actually i'm nt saying because i feel for the current sec4s, alright just a little, but the main point is! the start of Os also signifies the coming end of Os, which means the streets would be once again populated. gasp. and after the As, more people will run wild. I WON'T ALLOW IT! frankly, i've no idea why i'm getting so worked up. oh, recently i'm in the spending money mood. it's gna be a mass splurge next thurs, but that's if i have no pee double you. kiss goodbye to my 150 bucks.

today was pee double you in the morning all the way to Hougang. didn't do much as usual, we were never efficient during meet-ups. compiled our slides, and added animation? at least the slides are done. and i'm supposed to be doing my speech but i'm really lazy to do it now for tml's meeting (yea yea again pee double you). kinda got lost while trying to get to bugis, and i was LATE. once in a zillion times, i'm actually late for meet-ups. pls dun blacklist me.

THEY STARTED EATING WITHOUT ME! but still, i didn't come in last because that's always Jack. wahaha. but seriously, Jack's so freaking slow that even Pamela could win despite laughing like a dope. next time, i shouldn't plan for outing with Violence cause they always pinpoint me for the what-to-do-next-huh-organizer. ended up at the cinema area, and sat down in a circle how cliche, and talk cock. wee.

15th NOV IS DA DAY! it's the free flow drinks and food day yay (assonance!) + free home theatre. should start movie renting already. woot.

SHOP! SHOP! SHOP! shuddup.

2008-10-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

my legs are breaking from constant standing and walking.

uni panel turns out to be a bore. okay, i actually expected it. sometimes i really feel like Wemmick, because i'm totally different during work and privately. while ushering, i had to maintain a smile on my face to the parents. it's not that i hate smiling and being happy, duh i'm not a sadist, but i just don't like smiling if i dun really mean it. i want a genuine smile, which seems to be dominant nowadays. i'm too enjoying life now, and i know sth unpleasant would occur soon. life's never a bed of roses.

went to suntec after refreshments duty with Eugene and Lionel. i dunno why we went there either, but had lunch at subway. salad is expensive! dun get conned, it cost like $5.20 for a plate of vegetables (okay u can add meat) + sauce. alright, i actually liked it but eventually the law of diminishing marginal returns will set in. Harris! all time favourite bookstore, i wanted to read up on the remaining vol. of Ultimate X-Men but there's no vol6 there and i dun wna skip issues. we felt so lethargic and rested at Starbucks (hot choco has risen from the price of $3.30 to $6, maybe i just hadn't had starbucks for ages). went orchard to meet evlin who wanted to go for shopping ._. AND I FOUND MY PLACE FOR ONCE-A-YEAR-SHOPPING! FAR EAST PLAZA! definitely, it has all the clothes i want. just someday, i will go there. all because of evil, we walked to PS, poor legs. had Crystal Jade for dinner. 2 fools ordered plain noodles in soup for dinner. HAHA FOOLS! i'm nt really in a position to laugh at others, my zha jiang mian is as pathetic. kinda roamed around a little at the handphone shops and yamaha before taking the MRT home.

i was actually thinking today. what would happen next year? i really want every1 to promote together. it's like we're getting closer to one another that shitty promos has to come and try to separate us, and break the bond we had tried to build up. promos is just a sickening test come up by MOE who has screwed us enough with the whole rigid education system. so much for promoting a holistic education, wow i'm bemused. please, i pray for a miracle. i will see every1's face next year in the same classroom.

today. wasn't so bad. the 6 gathered! okay, it's just me. Mr K, Mr Jr, Mr Yl, Mr Jt and Mr Al. yay, sorry i gotta stop living in my own world. haha.

2008-10-16T20:16:00.002+08:00

caught this with evil, the bra, chicken legs and valko today.

it's so bimbotic but, hella funny. basically, it's the exaggerated version of sanpak.

oh and everyone, PASTAMANIA HAS 30% DISCOUNT FOR STUDENTS! i hope it's not that i'm lag or sth. saw this sign and ta-da, we had pasta!

2008-10-15T19:31:00.002+08:00

i think this blogskin is great. haha.

tuesday.
finally found out my Lit marks. so horrible. Overall D, cause i failed my Great Gatsby essay. and I PASSED GENERAL PAPER OVERALL! okay, that isn't exactly something to be proud of but at least my results slip looks nicer.

many people did not come to collect the GE scripts, so the few of us[me, jas low, ben, tunny, val, jolene, ngo] decided to go Roxy to find Evil's group. the waiting took ages, printing and binding of the WR. almost fell asleep. but in the end, we went town. ten of us? [the above minus ben + evil, eug, sarah, lynette] kinda wavered in our plans, decided to not dine at some jap place nette suggested and settled down at subway -_- all the way to orchard for subway?! pretty cool though, had little convos here and there, TVB! felt tired and wanted to be a good boy since i've out for many days, so did not catch a movie. bus back to school and then home.

today.
PW earlyy in the morning at 8am zzz. i now understand the pain of the ppl who take A levels chinese, TORTUROUS! i met B.Foo on the bus, and somehow it felt quite weird cause i seriously don't talk in the morning and then there's this awkward silence. haha. met ms fisher, and turns out our WR don't really need any major editing. so just little changes here and there, and ready to print.

anabelle took the WR home to print, THANKS! so met the chinese people and a few others at Roxy to eat. been long since i ate there, but the ban mian was okay. OP lecture was totally boring to me, because all the speaker talked about were all in the handout, and his pronunciation seriously needs much improvement. BUT, finally handed up the darn WR after so so so long. but OP meeting this sun zzzzz. went to NLB after everything to borrow my Ultimate X-Men Vol.2-5. vol1 still isn't there, but oh well.

i reckon it's gna be a happening week.
thursday(tml) meeting class in the afternoon to catch movie at leisure park.
friday have special CT session and Council meeting.
saturday, there's this university discussion panel. yay, i'm in the refreshments group.
sunday. PW meeting in the morning, and lunch with Lao Niu and Violence.

2008-10-13T22:53:00.002+08:00

another fun-filled day!

the morning started out great because i had BURGER KING BREAKFAST! wah, been so long since i had such a nice breakfast. and only during the holidays do i get to enjoy this. i want more of such breakfast!

rushed to school because i thought i was late. i was lah, but the main pt was that mrs ang decided to not to return us our scripts today. so TOMORROW HAVE TO GO SCHOOL AGAIN! anyway, the fun's just starting.

we decided to go Lionel's house. it was such a long trek and we umbrella-ed there. because of childish poks like Lynette, most of us were more wet than we shld be because she kept kicking water puddles at us. kids would always be kids.

SUCH A BIG GROUP AT L's HOUSE! there were like...nearly half the class. me, yao, L, chicken legs, minadeline, charlene, jas low, san pak, valko, ngo hiang, blackhole, oily! 12 of us! the cool thing was L's comp. monitor was the super-size tv screen, perfect for zooming. and then, they super gossipy and went to ______ and began a whole deal of PC. crazy gaming next. PS2, PSP, Guitar, etc etc. everyone's gone wild.

some of them left for training and so the rest of us stayed behind and continued partying. evil's so noisy because she kept singing and it was plain awful. WWF was so fun though me and chicken legs kept losing depite it was 2 vs 1 against L. L's mum cooked Cabonara for us, and it tasted superb!

in the end, we decided to go ECP in the evening to chill. they cycled while i emoed. haha. alright, but it felt great because of the breeeeeeeeeze. then chicken legs came back again and we had dinner at BK! again. yea.

and me and sanpak wore the BK birthday hat onto our buses. and it was so embarrassing because people who boarded stared at me like some weird freak. hey, what's wrong with wearing that!

i think i sound overly enthusiastic and optimistic in this post. too bubbly, and i think because sanpak influenced me! alright anyway if u see this sanpak, u dun really need to change or anything lah. sometimes we kinda 'nag' u but we dun mean to hurt. that's what true frenship is abt right? to accept one another as what they are, even their flaws.

bye bye! oh and maybe House Bunny tml after collecting lit scripts. post promos rock.

2008-10-12T22:29:00.002+08:00

hold, dun let them flow. they are not gonna bring me down.

on a side note, i was looking through my picture gallery and happened to browse the NP folder. there as i went through the pictures, it kinda make me wonder how i survived the four years. PT, drills, scoldings, rubbish courses etc. because as i compare the life to my present state, i seriously cannot believe i've been a NPCC cadet, and i bet neither could my JC mates believe.

random pictures.

hey! regretably, this was the only squad picture we took outside activity. i rmb, this was
after POP and one fine day we had an outing.

fancy drill team. i really wna pick up one hand jumbo which was the only thing i was good at.
i think i could barely spin 20rounds, much less 200. and i absolutely have no idea why jack pang,
teo celeste and chui laam were inside. they were not in the team, go away! jk.

guess what is this! the lame monopoly-like trek game we had at ubin. i was like a group facilitator. man, that was so the worst job in the world. if the group get lost, you will have to follow and yea, be lost too. can't step in unless it is dangerous or sth.

hey, i'm doing PT! PHYSICAL TRAINING! but i'm a full-time medic. lol.

hah, then i went to look at 4Grace'07. i think i'll let the pictures do the talking.

hey, this picture doesn't seem right no matter how u look at it. it's plain cranky. this was during the time when we first went goldenmile complex and apply for starhub job. i think we were trying to mimic some police-chasing-thief scene.

GOSSIP TABLOIDS! THIS IS A RARE SHOT! HK Star and Taiwan Star! how often do you see this.

O levels release day. look at the silly girl who got herself isolated in some other room because her hair was so different. i think it's pretty darn obvious.

TJ Guitar Concert. taken with all the 4GR people who went there, minus the HORSE.

WIFE! feel glad i'm actually putting ur picture on my blog despite all the extra-marital affairs you've had. and you lah, talk talk talk to me in the weird ACCENT and i didn't know my school lost.

this is was the most recent photo. when we went back to visit VERON and CHARMAINE. it's amazing how everyone changed.

and i have no idea why i'm posting this picture. basically, it's all the people in CTC who were from chung cheng MAIN. sorry, can't help but cap. haha. inside joke.

tml gotta head to school to collect the rest of the lit papers. probably outing with the class again. yay.

2008-10-11T23:25:00.002+08:00

EVERYBODY'S INTO PW! went to school and found it unusually empty(maybe the J2s are hiding themselves in classrooms idk) and settled down at the tables outside council room. went through my edited portion of the WR which seriously isn't alot and then tried to find more parts which could be improved on. found out that jasmine and yao's groups are all doing pw today too haha.

WE HAD XIAO LONG BAO at Hua Li Xuan! technically, i just had one because i was eating Dan Dan Mian. okay, this sounds so cheena. we should have taken a group picture, quite alot of us. 10? yao, L, val, oily, oily's sis, lim pei, me, ngo, tan, sanpak. everyone wanted to order more and savour like every dim sum there is BUT our wallets were emptied. waited so long for chicken legs to come. big shot orh.

when chicken legs finally came, there were only 6 of us left. the weird thing is that we somehow ended up at parkway when supposedly everyone intended to head for separate directions. i think it was chicken legs who instigated everyone to go parkway with him. hmm yea.

somehow, i just love the way the class is so last minute. deciding what to do, go, eat etc at the last minute. impromptu, yes but it turns out to be more interesting. i seriously hope to see every1 in the class next year as J2s. the only downside would be mass studying (though maybe not for us xD) and less outings. so i guess we gotta treasure the holidays to hang out. chalet!

2008-10-10T18:02:00.002+08:00

geog sucks cuz i got E overall dang! but i think i'm considered to have done well? alright, just kidding.

and for the 1st time since we started getting back our promos results, i felt a tinge of joy. got back one Lit essay today, it was a 35/50. woah, i thought my PC wasn't that competent, though i would probably not get that mark if the marker wasn't miss chia. however, i expected my GE and GG to be much lower. so i think i would have another E to my arsenal. straight Es with a S LoL.

i guess everyone felt pretty down by promo results. somehow, the Arts classes do not seem to be scoring 3As like the Science people for idk what reasons. but anyway, the irony is that we have been having fun and leading lives as though we achieve straight As haha.

yesterday i ran around 4.8km after school and then went PS with tunny, oily, evil, val and mud. and we caught this:

pretty cool show. go watch it if u can, kinda worth it.

today, we (tunny, oily, evil, mud, ade, val,me) went T3 to have popeyes! they drank my lemon tea like plain water so when i got back my drink, it was only 1/8 filled ._. slacked around a little and then back to school. they went floorball and here i am, home!

tml gonna meet up with da class again to have xiao long bao while doing PW. A14, you rock! ehh, tonight gna have to re-edit the WR. gotta make it good, yea i hope.

i'm beginning to board 43 again! if you know what i mean.

2008-10-08T20:19:00.002+08:00

okay, i expected myself to fail GP. i got 41/100. alright, lets hope the moderation is at least 4m so i can pass overall. somehow, english language paper hasn't been exactly a source of comfort in JC. i screwed mid years, and then promos again. come on, read up on more stuff u bummer, kyoto protocol, euthanasia etc.

i'm so tired. i'm sorry i'm gna sound vulgar because whoever came up with the idea of ability assessment through tests and examinations is a big time fucker. i hate it, not because i know my academics would suck, but because it screws up my entire life. the family link i had tried to established since my sister left and play the good nice son was completely shattered by the release of promo results. who doesn't want to do well? but not all parents react positively to lousy results, at least i can tell for sure mine do not. i haven't quarrelled with them since forever, but it all started yesterday when i announced econs and maths. i improved from mye, that called for some celebration, some appraisal. yes, but for like 10mins and then snap, the moment of glory is over. 'i got an overall of E for both because mye pulled down my marks.' a rush of negative comments came smashing onto my face. i felt overwhelmed, and slightly indignant. jc ain't easy, not to me for sure. i had the urge to shout 'if you're so smart, why don't u try doing JC subjects?' i didn't, because i was numbed, mentally. i didn't bother to defend myself, i dun see the need. their eyes were blinded by sheer greed for good results, they hadn't realize that and even till the extent of denying it verbally, 'no, i know our times are different...' but you dun practise what u preach.

i kept quiet. i listened to all your rantings. somehow, i began to recall. i thought i had decided long ago to wash my hands off the family, to not get involved. somehow life's really ironic, whenever i wanted to shun myself away, you get all friendly and warm towards me. i couldn't help but give in, to also try to treat you the same way. then life takes a turn again, the results aplomb and ta-da, family become enemies. i'm so sick, i have so much to say but i'm not the type to let anyone into the depths of my inner feelings. save it, i dun need any pity. if i could, i would have gone away long ago.

'so what if you fail? just take the R paper, what's the big deal?' man, that was the best line i've heard since the start of JC. i have this feeling that, this line would never have an effect on my life. it sounds good, but how practical or applicable is that?

i longed to smile, from my heart. i dun even recall when was the last time i really had a true great laugh. what's a real joke? i don't know. there are so many 'i don't know' right now. idk how am i going to continue walking down the path i've carved myself, or is there really a clear visible passage. idk how i am going to survive the next few years, or will i live that long. i dun mean suicidal, but alive with a whole mind, body and soul, but of cuz not that i really mind the literal death. idk if i can truly live life to the fullest, i wanna have control of my own life. mental cases. perhaps that's where ppl may find true salvation. is there truly utopia? i can't see it, not even a glimpse.

i sound like i'm walloping in self-pity and emoing. but i really need to pen down my thoughts, at least a fraction of it. i need to see that i'm alive, that my thoughts are still entrained. as i typed, an article entitled 'the end of race as we know it' lay before me. i couldn't help but think of racial genocide, drawing the link further onto the dysprosium of life.

my head hurts. i dun wna type anymore.

2008-10-06T21:14:00.002+08:00

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I PASSED MATHEMATICS AND ECONOMICS OVERALL!!! (mye + promos)

these 2 subjects were like 32 and 35 during mid years wahaaha.

but the sad note is, my gp essay failed. like zomg. i seriously hope my GP compre pass though i highly doubt so. but then again, my geography and literature won't and shouldn't fail, so i can still promote based on conditional promotion (4H2 passes!).

i think i'm too positive, life's negative.

maybe i was always too proud and haughty, i just didn't want to acknowledge that weakness which was my pride during the past. maybe just perhaps, i was too lazy to put in that extra practice.

2008-10-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

friday.
farewell assembly was...idk kinda dull to me. perhaps the main reason was that being J1, stepping into the hall is just another daily routine. but the performances could be chosen more carefully i feel, and improved on. S^3 seminar = okay but one of the better performances held in the PT compared to all the Civics sessions. Went tunny's house with oily and val after everything. ordered pastamnia (wah damn long never eat liao!) and watched 50 First Dates. they wanted to watch Sweeny but i had to leave for home. went to airport at night to send sister off to UK. i never thought i would be close to tearing, my eyes were red when i saw them crying. have i grown to love, or even earned the right to love. it's contradicting, because i tot i had always been clear of how i felt towards them, my family. we had some good times, but somehow i always didn't blend in with the three of them. it is me i know, it's my character. i get crept out when ppl get too intimate, too close. somehow, it just denies me the emotion to love, and care. hmm, idk.

today.
open house 2008. so few ppl compared to last year, i rmb the place being packed even though i went there at 2+. i have no idea why though. carrying goodie bags, giving out, ushering and persuading people to go for principal's talks and concerts, and walking around randomly and giving directions. my skinny legs complained after the event. chung cheng visitors were rare! and i skipped through all the mass dances, i just didn't feel like it(okay, i dun think i ever felt like doing it except at suntec) and i don't know how to dance the mass dances. amusing fact was, as far as i could tell almost 80% of the ppl who participated couldn't dance. imagine next year when we become J2s and graduated seniors are too busy to come back, the mass dance would be in a mess and only SC would know how to do it(i think?). came home and slept for like 2hours.

tml would be marina i guess. i'm gna get the x-men books i dun care!

2008-10-02T21:06:00.002+08:00

blogging!

anyway, it''s been exactly a week since promos ended. wooo, and i got to enjoy a whole 7 days break (akin to the lost september holidays) becuz i dun have chinese on monday. lets see.

been searching desperately for sth to do on saturday because i've run out of dramas to watch. i didn't abstain from watching like many ppl did before promos, so i have a pretty empty watchlist.

sunday.
i did 2 things.
firstly, i ran 3km from my hse to the canal and around the canal. conclusion was, i almost died due to lack of exercise.
secondly, i spent my whole day watching this show:
Your Class Or Mine

Cast: Bobby Aeyung, Sheren Tang

monday.
if i was not wrong, i was busy trying to config M.U.G.E.N. and reading up on wikipedia. yay, i'm studious.

tuesday.
i went to mp library to borrow 2 fictions before embarking on my life journey. it was such a failure because i fell asleep on bus 43 and ended up at somewhere near the purple line [kovan there]. gasp. and i didn't feel like getting off anywhere. but, i had subway for dinner yes.

wednesday.
i had PW! went to NTUC to buy the groceries and then to anabelle's big big house to cook. what amateurs we were, can't even prepare one dish without guidance. haha, at leas we know that the participants of our project needs to be under supervision now. and then we ate our efforts (frankly, it was good) and discussed WR though it wasn't that productive.

thursday.
today! i went to school for 30mins because i wanted to be nice and help out in igloo cleaning but i met ben and L who were going off for lunch. so i slacked awhile in the council room, and went to meet them both at suntec for lunch. kenny rogers was good, but i didn't finish the coleslaw dang! okay anyway, we went Harris next to look at marvel comics zomg. i didn't know harris had such an extensive collection of Marvel books! then, we went Esplanade Library because too lazy to buy and wanted to borrow instead. inefficient library, dun have marvel books zz. so we went bugis kinokuniya and the comic shop next to it. found alot of book i really wanted to buy, but didn't instead. now i'm regretting. >.>

but, the long break is ending. tml onwards got school which is a bad thing. and sat's open house. sun i think i will be gg out wif ape and probably ah pa to buy presents. yea. next week's gna be a terror. pls, i want my desired grades or better.