i can't say consternation hasn't struck me yet because it had.

the big scary As are coming but i'm not the least worried and motivated. just stab me already. i need to focus and get back on track. by the time i am fully awake, maybe the two weeks would have come and pass within the blink of an eye.

i have no idea what to expect when i enlist. i fear the unknown. being out of control breeds trepidation in my heart, like a haunting conscience.

the jitters are tangible while aversion and uneasiness gripe my insides. i can hear them lurching, literally. the stomach flu has just worsened recently. i need to see a doctor.

i guess my unsettling heart stems more from other source(s) though. it's that inner desire and yearning i had always wished for but never granted the chance to embrace it. i used to comfort myself that it will come along naturally but, i'm really confused. i tried finding my way but ended up colliding with every possible obstacle.

the truth is, everyone gets enervated one day and that's when they crumble.

i wish it would happen now.

i can't take my eyes off you.