Year 2 is really whizzing past very fast. look at the date, it's almost mid-january already and the first week of school is coming to an end. frankly, i have no idea why i'm coming to school now except for the obvious reason - to prepare for the As, but am i really preparing? have i actually set my mentality to do it?

i kept assuring myself that i'm on the right track, listening in tutorials and keeping myself awake. haven't had much lectures but i'm still holding on fine. am i doing all these to make myself feel better? to make myself feel i'm actually alive and doing something. i have no idea. perhaps, it's just a fallacy, an act, an excuse for myself.

it all started last winter. i've always thought that i've made up my mind to further my studies locally if possible. i seriously thought that, but recently this ideal seemed to be gradually uprooted. or maybe, that ideal was just the model that most people would mark out and i'm just going with the flow.

studying overseas might be a great idea after all. get away from all the restrictions here, to go somewhere where hardly anyone knows me. the irony is, i don't even think people i know here actually know me personally, at least no deep enough. i've always wondered, what is my strength and my purpose in life so far. would i make it in the future? or contribute to the parasitic population in every country.

now, i'm kinda intrigued by all the stories and experiences i've heard/seen from people and from online and even the television. recounts about their life out of singapore, be it for studies or travelling or for work. somehow, getting out of the small dot on the map seems to be very beneficial? in a sense those who have experienced it all claimed to have learn some valuable lessons, or get inspired. that, is what i want. i need that click to form within me. life's just so passe right now, so rigid, so fixated.

Illinois, a state in the US. Lhasa, the capital of Tibet China. Middlebury, Vermont. vega places i'm quote interested to venture to. different cultural diversity, different demographics, different beliefs and way of living. i know it's gna take me time to adjust to every place i visit if i really get to go, and i'm nt sure if i'm cut out for it but it's worth trying isn't it. after all, 'life's too short' as commonly quoted by many.

still, travelling in search of a purpose is not going to happen anytime soon. i'm still bounded here, and there's gna be NS soon after the year ends. plus, i'm gna have to work my butts out to save enough money to fulfil that dream. how nicely planned. the real truth is, it's not gna be simple. as i said, i want to travel to discover my torch. if i couldn't find it, what am i gna work as? u see the confusion?

this is really downslide of life. it almost never gives you enough time to uncover your true desires. the only exception occurs very rarely. only a minority of the people in the world would have discovered their existence worth before reaching working age. working though on the other hand, what's the meaning to it?