in retrospect, it has almost been a year since i've entered junior college. frankly till this point in time, i haven't had a clear grasp of why i had chosen jc over poly.

perhaps it was the lack of confidence that kept me away from going to poly. most people who went poly had a definite clear interest in a particular field and wanted to further polish that skill they already possessed by pursuing education in poly and the specific course. what useful skills do i have to boost about? as far as i can recollect, there wasn't any. i used to have this passion for drawing, but seeing how real artists pull their stunt, i knew i wasn't up to becoming a professional artist. poly education just doesn't seem right for me. i rmbed a senior once told me this, 'if you are unsure of what you want to be in the future, go to jc, u have at least 2 more years to figure that question.' thinking back, it was kind of true. no doubt i set my mind to enter jc at the end of sec3.

entering jc requires merely 20pts or below. considering cchms standard(band 2 when i was sec3), 20pts is considered mediocre or even below average. in other words, i should be able to enter jc easily, but no. sec3 was one of the worst year throughout my 4years in cchms. when i say worst, i dun mean feeling unhappy or glum, but academically. my eoy results totalled up to an L1R5 of 34, L1B4 of 25. i'm hardly eligible for any course in poly, much less jc. my parents ended up seeing my then form teacher, Ms Anisa. her exact words resonated exactly in my ears even till now, 'so jian an, what jc do you aspire to go to?'. with a little bit of hesitation, i replied 'vjc'. there was a slight moment of silence before Ms Anisa commented. 'but your L1R5 is 34. your problem now is you cannot get into jc with your current grades. to be more practical, you should aim for 20 for sec4 mye.' i felt discouraged but i couldn't blame her, she was right. however, i strongly believed i could do much better if i did study.

sec4 wasn't smooth sailing. didn't achieve 20points by mye, it was 25. close. then by prelims i had 11 and finally net a 9 for Os. my grades were enough to at least enroll into vjc during PAE(of course i appealled) and JAE Arts Faculty. i never regretted choosing Arts, for i know i would feel terribly miserable in the Science stream. i just ain't a science person; dropped physics b4 Os somemore (gay shit). most importantly, if i didn't choose Arts, i wouldn't be able to enter 08A14, the reason which kept me going right now.

sad to say, i have to admit i haven't been contributing to the school through the 10months in this new environment, where i constantly see high-achievers doing the school proud, be it academically or in their own specialized aspects. there were a few issues i regretted not having enough courage to do in vjc so far, but no point talking about them now. i have just been an average student i guess, at least i tried to keep myself out of trouble. then, my cca isn't exactly what i enjoy doing, it's not i adhor or find it repulsive, but it just doesn't engage me enough. so i'm pretty much with the A14 people, the best people i've ever met (and also the ugliest side of human nature).

i always thought how i would be if i did not appeal during PAE and stayed in TJC. TJ is a good school no doubt, and i know i would also do well there if i worked hard. somehow, i didn't liked it when i went for its open house, the principal kinda pissed me off and there was this studious tension that hung hitherto in the air. i even get this feeling that the student tour-guides are trying too hard to be enthusiastic and promote their school, quite opposite to what i perceive in VJC's open house. i don't mean to offend, but this is my true honest feelings. therefore, i never regret coming to VJ, i should be glad that they are willing to accept someone like me who always had inconsistent grades. i know i am much happier here.

JC was another great leap from secondary school. independence and self-discipline were rather inherent qualities i had to consistently remind myself to pick up and drill within myself. it also taught me on how harsh reality can be, how demanding and practical society is. singapore is a paper-chase country; there are tons of university graduates on the streets jobless. if i want to compete to get a job, i have to stand out and the minimum criteria would be to ensure my results are at least comparable. mainly the reason why i've chosen jc instead of poly, it would be easier for me to enter university: NUS Law. Law, what a joke. how coveted is this.