i should be doing my EoM, PC essay or geog assignment right now. but too many things are on my head at the moment that make me unable to concentrate and do any of that.

frankly speaking, i'm still pretty much appalled and affected by my mye results and how the attitude of some people have been putting me off. i've been thinking a lot these few days, and i can somehow draw a conclusion based on my observations and evaluation [i presume my mind is clear-headed now]. perhaps i was just being too silly to trust what everybody says. it sounds ironical becuz though i doubt people's words most of the time, i still ultimately chose to accept/believe it. somehow right at the end, being skeptical might actually save me the disappointment and probably minimize the pain from reality shocks. but who can i blame. nobody. i accept that, pray hard that i dun commit the same folly. i dun deny that looking green and feeling inferior was partly what caused this foolery.

what struck me most was when i actually felt a tinge of regret coming to vj. it dawned to me that perhaps i was being too haughty and proud and high and wanting to prove to everyone that i could make it to some top jc, that i was so sick of being the shadow blinded by the light. the 9 points from O levels probably came due to stroke of luck, which enabled me to qualify for vj arts. there i was, dazzled by the glamour of the school and not considering how inconsistent my results have been. i made the choice of coming to vj, a decision i so confidently though i wouldn't regret. but right now, i may have second thoughts. if i could choose again, i may have chosen vj again, but surely with close analysis. the mid years made me feel so unworthy of being in vj, the pace, the activities happening do so too. i'm not trying to act like a loser whining about making a wrong choice or being unable to keep up but rather, i'm trying to draw a critique as to how i'm going to continue walking down this path.



我曾经发过一个梦, 梦见自己穿着米色的校服, 自豪地走在街上. 但又曾经何时, 我发誓, 永远都不要穿起这件衣, 因为这件衣实在太重太重. 穿上它, 连走起路来都很困难. 总以为脱下这件衣, 会一生轻松, 谁知以后的路一样不知怎么走...