after much consideration, i think i've come to a decision, and the decision will be the same as the one that i have made since JAE. though i very much would like to improve my skills in vb and join the school team, perhaps there are too many factors to consider. whether they nid ppl, whether i will be able to fit in, whether i will reach the mark for next year even if i train doubly hard, whether my studies will suck even more than it presently is, whether i can take and cope with H3 if possible, the many many 'whether' and 'wad if'. frankly speaking, i feel v embarrassed by my napfa to join any sports.

i'm gna get stronger, physically and also in my vb skills. i shadn't give up, becuz i dun wna be weak anymore. i know i'm moving towards my goal, i can feel it, but it isn't obvious enough. i may not make it in time for retest next week, but next year i'm gna prove myself.

so much for all the big words. i'm feeling a tinge of regret though, i kept wondering how will i be now if i went for trials during PAE, whether if it will be different. ugh, but it's too late, way too late to think abt it now. i've always wanted to be a good blocker and spiker - my goal. woah, suddenly so immersed in thinking abt vb.

putting everything aside, i've to start studying hard for promos. i dun think i will retain but i hope wun struggle next year. so library, here i comeee. tml got to help out in college day preparation zzz. perhaps i will study in the library after that and finish the geog assignments. hopefully i can keep to my word, cuz my study plan is all messed up and not achieved. work hard!

no hill's too steep. lol. irony.