changed skin again. yes i know it has only been a few days but what to do, i'm bored at home and have nth btr to do. seriously, i wonder if isolation is really my second nature. i desperately feel no desire to stay home and rot but somehow, i do not want to face other ppl out there. contradicting as it sounds, it's the utmost truth. introverted perhaps, but somehow deep inside me i want some company actually. however, i could hold the phone close to me, search out the number of the ppl i wna call and date out, then back out at the last minute, switching off the damn phone. i wna go out, no i do not want, so wad exactly am i worrying about. the great escape?

everyday i wake up at 9am with a throbbing headache due to late night sleeps at like 3am. I wanted to sleep longer i know it, but somehow even if i'm 'sleeping', my brain doesn't rest. it continues to waver between the events that happened in my life, my imagination, my deepest fears and secrets, there was never a break. it has been long since i've had a dreamless night and clear mind. it sucks, seriously sucks. it's mental torture, i can't even enjoy a moment of peace in my thinking.

shuddup is the word i often scream into my brain. juz stop thinking and drop dead i would wished sometimes, spare me the agony of these never-ending traumatizing days. i wna rest, and i mean a true rest, physically, mentally and spiritually. put off the problems, cast aside the memories, throw away the evil thoughts.

this is life, worse than death.