i think this post is gna be very long, becuz i'm reminiscing my whole secondary life in chung cheng (more or less la). and i think i shall be v true in what i say, so i'm sorry if there's any ill feelings but i think it's btr to be frank or there will always be this prick.

secondary 1:
i had a bad experience before so I actually din feel like coming to chung cheng on the first day. the orientation camp (3 days mind you) din bond me very much with my class: 1 Empathy 2004. in fact, 1EP'04 was one of the most boring, un-zealous, dead class during the camp lol. i think the councillors in charge of our class had a rly hard time. haha, when they tried to liven the atmosphere wif games such as 'bomb', u know the 'ep bomb ep bomb ep bomb to blah blah that one. personally, i find it rather lame so i stitched up my mouth and kept quiet. and so when any class bombed us, there will be this awkward silence but more of indifference. and i at first felt that jamie tan was v dao and fierce, and i tot karl was a dependable classmate (shucks, i was wrong!). So the 70%-failed camp dampen my mood and made me more reluctant to attend sch. but things gotten abit different i guess when sch officially started. i rmb 1EP form teacher was MR TAN LEE TONG. he taught us maths which i dare say I scored last in class or it or was it Ruoting? lol. i sat with vincent chen, right at the back. and u know what, i actually felt that vincent chen was cold and proud but got to know that that was definitely not him. and i made frens first with ppl sitting near me, eileen low, ruoting, ciyi, rong sheng. soon the Crazy Corp. was formed, consisting of me, vincent, rt and eileen. i dare say we were the best of frens in class. projects, class work/discussions etc, we were always a team with some recurring members bah. Sec 1 was my prime year in cchms even though i failed almost every subject but if i could choose, i would go back to sec1. Still 1 Empathy was kinda dead. i hardly knew half the class.

i joined NPCC. i hated it, i disliked it at first. i pon yes, almost like half the activities. i felt the discipline system was crap, why couldn't every1 be equal. but i din know that mentality itself right from the start was already a flaw in myself, i was too unwilling to put my pride aside for a while and be commanded. and my drills sucked like nobody's business, i couldn't turn 1 full round after half a yr, i only knew the turn left and right commands. wrong attitude, zero knowledge, this was my worst yr in NP.

Secondary 2:
things changed and took a turn for the worst. problems arose, bickerings, backstabbing, splitting up. CC splitted up more or less. i have to say I'm still abit unhappy when I think abt it becuz it happened due to 1 other person. but we still joked ard in class, played tgether etc etc. but obviously, the bond has been damaged; it became the almost negligible Van De Waals forces of attraction. there was this period of time where I was rly bothered by the splitting. but it was also this year that i got to know my other classmates btr like Jade, Fatty, Kelly, YX, Simyee, (those JUNKY JUNK) Jamie, Ningmao, Jolyn (these 3 always tgether), Karl, YaoZhong(he was wif vincent) and err...ok fine no more. i was still kinda distant with the rest. we had our very own 2EP chalet, during EOY and many turned up. i guess we had a rather good time. Sec 2 was full of ups and downs, but still it was part of my memory.

and it was also during sec2 i began to attend NP frenquently. in the past, i selectively go for activities haha. made closer frens wif lucas, celeste, pamela, estelle, xueli. and rite, i rmbed i had this very horrible dancing performance OMG I DUN WNA RECALL. super embarrassing shit, we prepared a dance skit some NP event bah i 4got which, den rite I couldn't keep up with the steps and beats, i turned wrong direction, did the wrong action at the wrong time. DISASTER! omg, that moment i felt like digging a hole and scrawl it. but it was also this yr i really found my interest in NP. the drilling tgether, campcraft tgether, usual walk-outs after activities, going to bubble tea shop, talking etc etc. Sec 2 was my happiest days in NPCC.

Secondary 3:
10 empathians got into this class called 3GRace. so many ppl wanted to transfer out of this class seeing that 10freaks would be in the same class as them. i tot it would not work well but actually i was kinda right. there's this rly rly queer feeling abt secondary 3 i swear. i dno most of the ppl, i classified them according to 'danger zones'. haha, yanting belonged to 'extreme life-threatening zone', whole of CR(except yijie) belonged to 'partly dangerous', HM was hmm the secondary dangerous zone. rest of them were under 'unknown' or 'misc'. lol. aynway i sat with guang heng, ironically i only got to know him in sec3, i din even know he existed in lower secondary. he hardly spoke to me and i too couldn't be bothered to talk to him. but he became my most trustworthy fren in grace trust me. jade and cheryl soon became my close frens. it was like a new substitute for CC for still it couldn't replace it. but soon, i found out that it was a brand new clique, no more clinging on to the past, i had made my own new circle of confidants. thx gh, cheryl and jade. they were my closest in sec3. cheryl was my 'lets die tgether academically' bud, jade was my 'talk bad abt ep ppl' bud, and gh was the bud i could bully and crap. another turning pt was Maplestory in sec3. for the first time, i interacted alot with others. maple brought me and the basketballers (huisan, ruby, xiaohei), HM(vincent tan, zhong zi, sheldon) peeps, majiahong, vincent lai, minsi etc etc tgether. we would talk abt maple in class almost every period and even during the exams. it was a really fun period in sec3. class chalet no doubt was the strong factor that pulled us closer tgther. we started outings, dinners etc etc. sec3 was my 2nd prime days in chung cheng.

NP began to get busy, with more activities and more courses but it brought the squad closer and more bonded as we were more interactive. this especially improved when we took over as NCOs. we had to work tgether, we had to discuss and share ideas, neevertheless our relations improved. it was a rather pleasant NP year becuz we really could be called a squad. this was the most memorable yr in NP.

Secondary 4:
wad shld i say? i went into my 'isolation policy'. i achieved my goal, i drifted from every1 including the 3ppl closest to me in sec3 and not to mention the rest. i had problems, serious problems, i din know whom to confide, i wasn't even sure if the issues could be disclosed. i didn't trust any1, so i juz stayed away as much as i could. but inevitably, more small and different cliques surfaced in class. few main groups, [basketballers + HM + MJH] [me, vanessa, cheryl, jade, gh, yijie, minsi] [xiaojun, wei ing, angelina, yizhuang] [cindy, rachel, edeline, esther, joane]. with the appearance of more cliques, wad could u expect? sphere of influence minimized, there was this period of self containment within each clique. gone were the days in maple, the halcyon days, as many of us quitted soon. we lost this common topic where we could chat on for hours. instead it was replaced with emptiness and melodramatic feelings. soon we didn't bother to talk much. quarrels, backstabbing, gossips etc etc filled the days. frenships were lost, ill feelings built in us, competition over results were common sights. i didn't like this yr much. but i have to recall the most vivid memory abt sec4 was patronizing Subway with the subway trio [Jing, Huisan and Me]. somehow, these days cheered up sec4 life for me in some way. and i could never forget that my bdae was celebrated for me during feb. thanks for those who helped to celebrate, and esp. vanessa becuz we had a quarrel earliar b4 that but u actually took the initiative to plan it. thanks. very much appreciated. somehow to me, sec4 was the worst yr in my chung cheng life.

many things have happened over the past 4 years, so much has been gained and lost but still in some way, i feel like my life is just beginning. it's gna be a whole new chapter of my life next yr. i childishly still hated some ppl the last few years but i thought to myself, 10 yrs down the road if i meet with some1 i resented now, would i twitched my mouth to force a smile and greet him/her or would i shun them and walk away? which is the btr choice, obviously the 1st. it changed my thinking.

so any1 who's reading, juz try to forget all the unhappiness(i know it's hard) and live life the positive way. =)

bye.