*drums roll* i finally went subway today after much awaiting!! does that sound convincing that i'm happy? haha, cuz some1 commented that i was pessimistic. but the unusual is, i din go with huisan and jingyi though but well,still enjoyed the fabulous sandwich (chicken teriyaki + bacon + sweet onion sauce+ mayonnaise + lettuce/onion/cucumber=heavenly). i'm making it sound like an imperial delicacy huh. but somehow, i feel the 3 of us wun be gg there as much now cuz jingyi is always MIA after school, huisan is addicted to basketball and i simply dun feel like going anywhere.

actually i told cheryl today abit about what i really feel since this year especially from the Grace Outing that's coming up, or i'm not even sure if it will be on. 9 out of 41 ppl agree to have lunch/movie or both after cross country next week, what welcoming response. i can understand boycotting the movie but even settling down as a class to have a simple meal is difficult, what to expect. i'm not pissed, i'm juz bemused, juz disappointed. you see as i mention b4, there's a class cruise end of this year and the objectives are to bond the class, to enable us to understand and know each other more. judging from the reply slips, it seems the class is not yet willing to form the picture yet, we're still separated puzzle pieces. i'm juz trying to make an effort to get fellow gracians to get more participative by holding such simple class gatherings yet majority is unwilling to try. ironically, those who are who are organizers of the class cruise are all not going. so is that contradicting or wat. personally, this is juz my opinion. any disagreements, feel free to voice out though.

so many things have happened over the past 2 years, so much has been gained and lost, yet still in some ways, i feel like it's a new beginning though much more dull. i have to admit and i think so do jade, cheryl and gh, we are not as close as we used to be last year. it's no longer a habit for us to be talking to each other whenever we feel like, instead we turn to others and engage in the conversation heartily. even simple stuff like gg recess, we dun do it tgether now cuz it dun seemed to be part of our routine anymore. the deep bond we used to share or at least i thought we had, seemed lost, though faint trails of the past have been left behind on the ground, scattered spasmodically. i felt uncomfortable at first, but i think i've gotten used to it. things changed, i've changed, so have our friendship. it turned bland, but at least i should be contented we dun feel awkward in each other's presence.

it's not only the 4 of us. somehow, i feel drifted from everybody else. perhaps it was due to the policy of isolation i had adopted earliar this year and had only recently abandoned it which made me felt that i've lost touch with the world, with everything around me, with every1 around me. i was with the vtan clique last year, i rmbed talking to them even on msn, class and most importantly in maple which was what brought us together. i really rmb vividly, that a whole grp of us will sit tgether and discuss maple events, job skills, items etc even during the period of exams. our discussions even caught the attention and interest of others who didn't play, but were interested and willing to listen to our fantasies,our adventures in the virtual world. we were so close even to the extent of holding regular class gatherings whenever time permits and not forgetting the memorable class chalet. i know i had enjoyed that period of time we spent tgether. but good times never last as as time passed, as life get hectic, we quitted maple one by one and seemed to have lost a common topic to dwell on, or maybe it was only me. somehow, a dumb spell seemed to have struck me. i could not find any reason to relate to most of you, even those i could are only reduced to merely exchanging a few sentences, and it's all recycle stuff. is this the infamous effect of time? time which has a numbing power and it makes one forget even what they dun want to.

afterall, who can i blame except myself for insisting to keep a distance away from every1 this year even though i've said b4 i would never sacrifice friendship for the sake of studies like what i did last time. i failed miserably, i know i did. and to add on, my results suck like shit. i wonder why can't every1 juz remain innocent and ignorant of the changes around us, so that only happy memories are safely kept and contained in the little brain of ours.