i've been thinking alot this week..and a particular article which i saw in the newspaper struck me, spoiled the fantasy which i had been trying to hide myself from, away from the cruelity of truth. i know i shldn't be doing this, i shld face up bravely. fact is, i couldn't, i lack the courage. i naively thought everything would work out eventually, that no1 would cast uncomfortable glances but i know it's impossible. that's how harsh reality is. every1 might juz be putting up a false front, ad it may be so fragile that if u attempt to uncover the truth just by a simple touch, the mirror veil will shatter into million tiny pieces. even understanding so much couldn't stop me from pulling out of this bottomless pit, but instead i seemed to have plunged deeper into this dark menacing abyss of darkness, of evil. how i wish everything would return to the past, where i could be independent and act alone, but now i know i will fall.

seemingly, it dawned to me how vulnerable friendships are and how hard it is to get a soul mate. actually, i know that life's unfair and i shld accept how some things are arranged and distributed. destiny, ppl call it, fate, wadever the many different names it possesses. i have to admit, ppl whom laughed with me, played with me etc are merely called friends, not best friends. in fact, there could only be 1 best friend. it's like a one to one function in a.maths, to me i believe a best friend in rare, the probability is only 1/1000000000000000 or even dimmer, even smaller. sad to say, i've yet to find mine, of cuz i could pour out my inner thoughts to others, but looking thru my contacts, how many can i actually relate to? i'm not so sure now for after what happened today, it might seem mediocre to them but not me somehow, i lost quite some confidence in what we call friendship. or is the presence of friendship born to curb the loneliness in everybody? perhaps it's just a tool really, for why would some ppl always be basking in company while some lie in solitude and cry their hearts out everyday. wadever, bye ppl.

ngoh zhi zong yi tong lo aap. =)