good thing.
i'm finally getting bits of motivation to study for mid-year exams. i made the first step out today, i studied geography. though it was only 1 chapter, i can dare say it's the hardest in physical geog- weather and climate and i actually understood and cleared many doubts which i previously had last year. it's not extremely remarkable yea i know, but i'm glad i made an attempt to start. thinking through, i finally realized why i dun have the motivation to study. the truth is, i was scared, i was scared that i will screw up both my mathes which i desperately want them to score. i was afraid i wun do well for these 2 subjects, i was too preoccupied abt scoring for these 2 subjects that i 4got i still have 6 more subjects, theoretically speaking 5 only actually. but i've thought about it, imma gna try my best for the mathes, or at least 80% of my best and put my 100% focus on other subjects. i've calculated i will use English, H.Chinese/Chinese, Chemistry, 1 Maths (prob e.maths), Geography and Combined Humanities/Physics. i'm actually placing my bet on CH haha, so i guess i gotta study re-learn ehistory which is definitely only at sec2 content level. tmr, shall be the day i officially start preparing for mye. it's late compared to others yea, but hopefully i think i will make it. a week is all i got, and i reckon i will use my weekends to practise like crazy my mathes. down with mathes, esp sec3 maths topics which i'm totally clueless, but it really aches me if i dun do well seeing my solid sec4 topic foundation.

bad thing.
i did badly for both my recent maths tests. a.maths was horrible, the qn on motion did me in. i din know how to do even the 1st part, i juz sat there staring at the lifeless paper which suddenly felt so cold, so unfamiliar. so that's one gone. today was e.maths tests on transformations. i can say i will fail. i barely scrap pass the 1st page and it's all over when i saw qn2. so many on shear and stretch which i din listen at all in class. so the only things on my graph paper are triangles with coordinates given in the qn paper. damn, i really screwed up big time. however, i think i might ace my chemistry test pretty well, hopefully la.

exam stress boring themselves into my brain which has limited capacity. is life really only about studies, exams, o lvls and more homework? definitely not sth i want, nor any1 wants. mye is really important, please i wna do well, i dun wna go back to sch everyday and sit in grand audi to self-study -_- and do more work. i can imagine myself already, what a pathetic sight. dang, pre-exam depression? haha.

i thought i had chosen, i really thought i did. i tried to stick firm to my decision, i dare vowed i did. but the twist is, it's deja vu all over...