this post is gna sound contradictry. it started yesterday when i was abt to sleep, and set me thinking (again). i know i'm sucha pessimist, whenever sth gd happens the happiness in me will fade fast and replaced by an array of uneasiness. indeed, it nv fails to happen again.

was it becoz i confused my feelings with the truth. why bother holding on to sth i know will nv come true, why bother gving myself false hope when it's juz a one sided thinking on my part. why do i even want to think it's possible, it will come true when the chances are as small as a grain of sand which will disperse easily with just a slight swing of the arm, nv able to fully and confidently grasp it tightly in my hands. but i can't help it but continue and carry on this endless cycle...