seriously i dun feel the need to go to school anymore. why do ppl bother to go to sch coz 1stly, u get to acquire knowledge and 2ndly, u meet and make friends but the more important reason is of the latter rite coz if it isn't, why dun u hire a private tutor to help u scrap pass the o lvls then. precisely, i dun even know why i go to sch anymore, i dun look forward to going school becoz there's nt much element of surprise or hope pushing me to move forward. i dun even like 4grace anymore. it's not like what it had been, or at least what it had been to me. the bond has broken, intangible to the naked eye, there's nth holding me in place in class anymore. goodbye 4grace. let me relate to u the true story of some1 i know.

x was the typical happy go lucky kid in primary school, at least til primary 4. primary 5 x was streamed into a class where he din know any1, he was alone as though stranded and tried his best to fit into the class and make friends but it didn't work. it's not that his classmates resent him but that they dun hand out tgether. indeed a year passed by and it's PSLE year, x was streamed into another class. this time, it was alittle better but he still did most things alone becoz the situation was about the same juz that this time, he was snubbed and sometimes ostrasized. x's life was only filled with a bottomless pit of emptiness and loneliness, he accepted it becoz he tot at least he could find comfort within his family. though life in school was harsh for x, x persevered and finally graduated. however, x felt lost and was afraid th same thing would happened in sec school. he didn't dared to bear too much hope on sec school life and he decided he wanted to escape from the kind of life he had to go thru for 2 whole years. it's time for a change.

and x did. x opened up in sec1, he was no longer the same studious student he once was in primary sch. he started to focus on social relationships than on his studies. it sort of worked. x felt happy in sec1, however x still did not completely rid himself of the loneliness he used to have becoz at times, x was still forgetten by the many as x did not have a best friend in class where they would often hand out tgether. x only hung out with occasional cliques. however x tot he was contented but in reality, he found out he was so dependant on these newly bonded friendships that he swore he would nv let go but he din show it. he would sometimes feel the menancing dark emptiness in him but he got thru it becoz he knew life was better now. and so 2 years gone by, x was still more or less happy and were positive abt sec school life. however at the end of 2 years, he still did not find a friend where he could completely confide in, he still hasn't found a best friend. he wasn't neglected but he wasn't on the top priority choice either, he was in the middle like a backup. by this time too, he had gotten so used to this feeling of not being ignored in class that he could not bear to do anything alone for eg. juz eating a meal he muz have accompany or he would rather starve, compared to the x in primary school going abt doing things alone is a common habit. sec3 proved to be a good year where he forged quite gd frenships with some ppl. he tot the devil had released him from it's grasp but it hadn't, the same old feeling of despair and emptiness has returned. that's it x.

nostalgic? i guess so.